Somewhere Over the Rainbow
by Ava Telcontar
Summary: The fight for the O.Z. is over. The task of living is now set before our heroes. A series of short stories.
1. Girl Talk

DG stared in consternation as her sister vindictively pulled dress after dress out the bigger-then-my-entire-bedroom-on-earth closet. And what dresses they were. All with long flowing skirts and low, low necklines made of cloth of gold or silver or red silk or black leather. Ostentatious in a way that would make your average B move villain cringe.

"Hey!" DG yelped as a pointy shoe nearly collided with her head.

At that Azkadelia came to a stop and shrugged apologetically. "Corsets Deej. The old bat made me wear corsets for the last twelve annuals." She pulled one such offending article of its hanger and shook it at her sister.

It certainly looked uncomfortable. She was reminded of that scene in 'Pirates of the Caribbean' where the heroine passed out from lack of oxygen. "So the slut-wear wasn't you?" DG ventured.

Az rolled her eyes, "Hardly. I have some taste." Since being freed of being possessed by the witch, the elder princess had requested more demure clothing in quiet subdued colors from the royal seamstresses.

Azkadelia dropped the corset on the floor and sat down with a sigh on the uncomfortable looking bed. "I was thinking we could have a big bonfire and ritually burn all of these monuments to bad taste."

DG smiled and flopped down next to her. "We could make s'mores."

"What's a s'more?" Az asked looking at the younger women out of the corner of her lavender eyes.

"Roasted marshmallow and melted chocolate between two graham crackers; they're really good."

Az grinned. "I haven't had chocolate in twelve annuals. I don't know what marshmallows or graham crackers are but chocolate sounds divine."

DG looked horrified. "No chocolate! But why?"

"Did you know that chocolate has a chemical that stimulates the same kind of physical responses that the brain gets when you're in love? She didn't want us to loose our edge."

DG blinked at the plural. "Us?" she ventured.

"I haven't been alone in my head for a very long time. She wore me like a dress, used my mind, magic, face and voice to destroy my family and my world. Sometimes all a prisoner has is the guard." Azkadelia voice was quiet and pensive.

DG's heart constricted in her chest.

"I wonder how much of her is left in me?" Az's voice dropped lower and she shrank into herself.

"No. Az. You're fine now. She's gone," denied DG her blue eyes wide with distress.

Azkadelia who knew much more about magic and how it effected the mind decided not to tell DG how much of her personality and psyche were damaged. She had no intention of letting her little sister drown in herself in guilt.

"I just need some time," Az said as reassuring as she could and hoped to Ozma that DG couldn't read her like she could when they were children. "How are you adjusting?" Az directed the conversation in a new direction.

DG turned her perpetually surprised eyes up at the ceiling. "I'm good."

"Deej, I think everyone would understand you not be acclimated to the O.Z."

"I'm fine!" DG demurred.

"Right," Az said flatly.

DG knew that even if Az dropped it now they'd be revisiting the subject some time in the future. "Were you and Zero getting it on?" she blurted.

DG was rewarded by a sputtering red faced Azkadelia.

"What? Where would you get such a revolting idea?" Az asked in shock.

"In the rebel camp— I heard some rumors…There was one where you and your evil henchman were…um…as the city of Herku burned." DG shrugged in embarrassment.

Az shuddered, "No. I didn't _get it on_ with that awful man." In truth the man and his twisted adoration had revolted her. She let out an aggravated sigh. "I've never even been kissed."

Her sister let out a choking laugh, "Really?"

"Nothing that would rob us of our edge remember?" Azkadelia snorted. "How about you? Any salacious affairs in your past?"

DG rolled her eyes, "Az be serious I grew up in Kansas. We don't do salacious. Anyway, I wasn't allowed to date until I was fifteen." A mischievous smile lit up her features. "I have been kissed. My first kiss was with Jack Haley."

Az smiled widely, "Was he cute?"

"I thought so…I was twelve at the time."

Azkadelia giggled.

"As for salacious affairs I did have a steady boyfriend though high school." DG's expression grew wistful. "Niko Chopper. And was he ever gorgeous. And smart. And fun."

"What happened?" Az tensed. There was something that hurt in DG's voice.

"Well, when he broke up with me he said that he couldn't have a future with someone who lacked both ambition and vision." DG rubbed a finger over her nose. "We had this big fight just before graduation—he called me an ice queen because I wouldn't sleep with him. Right in the middle of the quad."

There was a silence. Azkadelia wondered if it was possible to turn someone into a newt across worldwalls. Or maybe she should have that ever stoic protector of DG's to pay him a visit.

DG bumped her shoulder into Az's. "It's okay. It was more embarrassing than heartbreaking"

"If you say so." grumbled Azkadelia who was still contemplating an impotence potion.

"It's nice having you to talk to again," DG smiled shyly at her sister. "Even though I didn't remember you…I still missed you."

Azkadelia felt her eyes well up. She hugged the younger princess fiercely. "I missed you too, Deej."

* * *

Herku was a city in the Oz books 

Jack Haley played the tin woodsman in MGM's 'The Wizard of Oz'

Nick Chopper was the name of the tin woodsman in Frank Baum's Oz books


	2. My Kingdom for Some Pants!

Wyatt Cain blinked as DG stomped past him a look of absolute frustration clouding her face. The princess grabbed a pillow of a divan and shoved it over her face and screamed.

A moment later she dropped the pillow onto the floor with a scowl.

"Something wrong, your highness?" The Tin Man asked laughter in his voice.

DG stared at the lawman in dismay, "Please, not you too." She narrowed her eyes at him. "If you bow I swear I'll kick you."

His ice blue eyes traveled down to her bare feet. He smirked. "I'd recommend against it."

She wrinkled her nose at him.

"What's got you frothing?" He asked raising a pale eyebrow.

"Aren't people supposed to listen to you if you're a princess?" DG's voice touched on plaintive.

Cain decided that pointing out that she was just complaining about the courtesies extended to royalty was not a good idea in her currant mood. "Yeah, kiddo I suppose they are. Is someone not listening to you?"

DG huffed and folded her arms around her middle. "The Guild of Seamstresses. I was just in having a fitting."

Wyatt Cain was suddenly vary much aware that Princess DG of the O.Z. was in her underwear.

The Gillikin purple underpants were paired with a midriff baring chemise, lots of milky white skin was on display.

It was suddenly hard to breath.

"Move along!" Cain barked to a gawking courtier who had taken a wrong turn. The unfortunate noble ran like a scared bunnybury at the sight of the scowling Tin Man.

DG ignored that. "They won't let me have pants," she blurted.

Purple was a good color for her. She should wear it more often. It brought out her eyes; which were the only things he was looking at.

DG gazed at him expectantly.

"Pants?" He managed after clubbing his retreating composure over the head and dragging it back.

"Apparently, it's not lady-like to wear pants. Of all the antiquated stupid ideas!" DG waved her arms about to get her point across. "It's not like I object to dressing up. I can be girly. It's just I refuse to do it all the time. Pants are practical."

To Cain's mind pants were not an unreasonable request. As much as pants were considered inappropriate for women he had to admit that practical was a good reason. He had always liked her practical streak. He supposed it was the farm girl in her.

"Princess," he began and laughed when she scowled at him. "What you seem to have forgotten is that you are in fact in charge here. If you want pants order them to make you pants."

Pink lips quirked up, "I can do that?"

She was going to have to get used to giving commands, Cain mused. And this was a start. "Just walk up to them and don't leave any room for argument."

DG nodded and stood. "Thank you."

She absentmindedly kissed him on the cheek as she marched resolutely back towards the fitting room, bare feet slapping on marble.

Behind her stood a bemused man holding a hand up to the cheek she just kissed.

* * *

The bunnies of bunnybury were a community of talking bunnies in the Oz Books. In the O.Z. they come in pastels. 


	3. Family Time

Glitch had been absolutely delighted to be formally invited to dinner with the royal family; just being around the queen helped to jog his reluctant memory. It was one week until his appointment with the formidable Dr. Nikidic and the return of the other half of his brain. So, he was somewhat nervous. In the meantime it was fun to see Raw squirm under the attentions of hairdressers who were determined to make his fur very shiny. They had even beribboned the viewer's beard. Raw had taken one look at the offending pink bow and had growled at the suddenly terrified stylists, 'Raw male.'

The dining hall was moderately splendid with tapestries and marble floors. The table was set with snowy white linens and delicately painted china heaped with sumptuous offerings from the kitchens.

Raw for all his wild nature looked at home; probably because everyone no matter how high their rank liked him. And he could feel it.

Cain on the other hand looked…fidgety. Glitch forced back a giggle. The Tin Man was outflanked. At the head of the table sat Queen Lurline and Prince Consort Ahamo and at the other end sat Hank and Emily Gale. No wonder the man looked ready to bolt.

The princesses sat across from Glitch, Raw, and Cain.

Azkadelia who was spending considerable time with the nuns of the Glindarian Sisterhood was looking better. She no longer looked like she was going to shatter. Apparently, the sisters were successful in clearing up any taint the witch may have left in her system. She even appeared to be taking her fashion cues from the sisterhood. She was dressed from neck to toe in dove gray silk.

Then there was DG who wore pants. Glitch had heard about her storming into the fitting room and demanding pants. After that the seamstresses had hopped to. And what pants they were; green suede with white flower embroidered on the pockets and up the side seams, the outfit was topped with a bronze sleeveless tunic. Glitch could foresee a revolution in women's fashion on the horizon.

The dinner itself was a little awkward with many aborted attempts at conversation.

It wasn't until they had adjourned to the queen's sitting room that things got livelier. DG let out a gasp of dismay. Covering every table were pictures of her. It was her entire life in Kansas out on display.

"Our CPU's had a lot of storage compactly, sweetie. We thought your family might like to see what they missed," Em said patting DG on the arm.

Glitch suppressed a smile as Cain gently pushed the whimpering girl towards a seat. He probably didn't even know he was hovering.

At last everyone had taken seats and was trying to ignore DG's attempts to fade into the wallpaper.

Az picked up a picture that showed a flour covered DG and wiggled it playfully at her sister. "What happened here? It looks like the kitchen exploded."

Hank laughed, "It just about did. Our princess doesn't have a culinary inclined bone in her body. Wasn't this the year you failed Home Ec?"

DG flushed, "It's not like I set the class on fire on purpose."

"You set a class on fire," giggled Az.

Lurline raised a brow, "You failed a class."

DG turned even redder. "Just that one. I did well in everything else."

"She graduated second in her class," Em said proudly. She handed a picture of DG in her maroon graduation robe and hat to Ahamo.

The consort traced his daughter's smiling face with a wistful finger. "I'm very proud of you."

DG ducked her head.

"She could have made valedictorian if she'd stuck to her studies more," Emily said giving the younger princess a chiding look.

Raw who had been quietly shifting through the wealth of pictures and putting them into piles stilled over one. He held the picture out to DG. "DG sad."

It was her fourteen year old self with an arm strung over the shoulders of a pale boy in a blue hospital smock.

"Oh." DG breathed. "Zeb Hugson. He was my best friend growing up."

Cain knew that look. That spoke of sorrow that though faded would never fully go away. "What happened?"

"Zeb got a disease called leukemia," DG said flatly.

"I'm sorry," Cain put a comforting hand on her shoulder and Az took her hand.

Glitch sighed. It would seem her exile wasn't free of pain.

Hank gave Em a nod that Glitch caught. So an abrupt subject change to happier memories was in order then.

"Look. Em remember this?" Hank handed his wife what looked like a copy of an old newspaper article.

Emily laughed out loud in delight, "How could I forget. DG was ten and we took her to the state fair."

"And naturally she wondered off," Hank continued.

"We were frantic!" Em said with a toss of her wavy hair."

"I know the feeling," Cain said with an upwards quirk of his lips.

"Three hours later we found her," Hank chuckled. "She'd gone on the Farris Wheel and the works got jammed so there she was, at the top of the thing looking down at us the whole time!"

Ahamo laughed, "It doesn't surprise me that she'd take to a Farris Wheel. DG always did like heights. When she was four she went missing and when we found her she was at the topmost tower in the Mountain Palace. Nearly gave me a heart attack."

Azkadelia poked her sister, "What's a Farris Wheel?"

DG blinked at her and smiled. "Think of a large wheel suspended on its side in midair with seats hanging from it and it revolves around in a circle."

"And you enjoy this?" Az asked doubtfully.

"Very much."

Cain leaned forward and tapped a picture of DG straddling an odd wheeled contraption. "What's that?"

DG grinned. "It's my motorcycle. I restored it myself. It's a 1963 Harley-Davidson Pan Head with a twin cam motor."

Cain's eyes glazed over. Glitch smirked. It would seem that the lawman was one of those guys who were struck dumb by pretty girls who understood vehicles.

"Elmer Gulch is still looking to hall you in for disregarding the speed limit," Hank smiled weakly at the queen's expression of almost shock.

DG ignored Cain's exasperated expression. "Hey, do you think that my bike survived the twister?"

"No," Cain said firmly.

DG blinked at Cain. "No. No what. No I can't have my bike back?"

The Tin Man pulled his hat half way over his eyes, "That's exactly right. You're hard enough to look after without wizzing about on some contraption."

DG huffed in indignation. "First off. You are not the boss of me. Second. I don't need you to look after me."

Cain gave her a lazy grin, "Could've fooled me princess."

DG's eyes narrowed. Then she smiled brightly. "You don't think you can keep up with me! That's the real reason you don't want me on a bike."

Cain glared.

Raw looked from DG to Cain. "Not again," The viewer said plaintively.

"Do they do this a lot?" Azkadelia wondered.

Glitch nodded, "All the time."

"They did," confirmed Raw.

Glitch settled back in his chair with a happy sigh as Cain and DG began to argue. You couldn't find better theater. Even with half a brain Glitch knew there was nothing betterthen time spent with family.

* * *

In the books Lurline was Ozma's mother who made Oz into a fairyland.

Yes, the Glindarian Order does take it's name from Glinda the good.

Dr. Nicidic is from the Oz books.

In the books Zeb Hugson was Dorothy's cousin.


	4. Royal Favor

In retrospect Wyatt Cain wasn't surprised that DG turned out to be who she was. As they traveled he supposed there were little clues. There was the puzzlement of finding out the girl from the Other Side was a native and that her parents were robots…that was odd. The brand in the shape of the royal seal that the robot priest of Milltown had pressed into her palm—that was a clue so obvious that a first year tracker could see it. All those little things had poked and prodded at his vengeance clouded mind. But then the Mystic Man had confirmed it. With the revelation that her mother had the most beautiful lavender eyes, he and Glitch had turned to stare at the girl who looked back at them with puzzlement. He may have seemed to be a reluctant guardian with the promise he'd given the old wizard the only thing tying him to the princess. The truth was he'd have done it anyway.

So now he stood with Glitch and Raw three months later in the Great Hall of Central City that was full of people from throughout the O.Z. to attend the grand celebration.

He squirmed a bit in his new finery. It was a far cry from his rough and ready wardrobe. Cain wasn't a man given to frippery (he'd flat out refused the cravat offered to him by a flustered manservant) but he had to admit that the black pants and fitted jacket paired with a gun-metal gray silk shirt made him looked sharp. It even came with a new hat.

As the Munchkins of the Eastern Guild finished up their appalling music (did they have to breathe helium before every performance?) he glanced at his companions from the corner of his eye.

From the looks of Raw's fur the hairdressers had gotten to him again. The emotional echo of so many people had put the viewer in a good mood bordering on buzzed.

He was still a bit worried about Glitch. The headcase had been reunited with his missing piece but there were side affects. As good as Dr. Nikidic was all the connection between the two halves could not be repaired. As a result Glitch was now extremely bipolar, switching from fancy free Glitch to serious scientist Ambrose and back again with the misfiring of synapses. The zipper had been removed and a thick head of still wild hair covered his head and he'd returned to Ambrose's sartorial elegance. He was struggling for a balance between his two selves.

Cain's head jerked up as his son Jeb was called forward.

Queen Lurline and Prince Consort Ahamo both garbed in purple sat enthroned on a dais,

Azkadelia in blue and silver sat on Lurline's right in a blue gown and crowned with silver. On Alamo's left sat DG. It seemed that this was an occasion that she felt impractical was the way to go. She wore a gown of strawberry red shot through with gold thread and a tiara of diamonds and rubies was perched on top glossy black curls.

The Tin Man felt his chest swell with pride as Jeb, who had joined the reconstituted Royal Army, received an Officer's Commission and the rank of captain. Cain made a mental note to make an embarrassingly paternal gesture sometime during the reception.

Next, Hank and Emily Gale were called up. He smiled as he caught DG's unladylike bouncing as her other parents approached the throne.

"As you have served and loved in a capacity well above the call of programming we name you both Lord Hank and Lady Emily of all the free peoples of the O.Z." Ahamo said warmly.

Queen Lurline continued, "And we grant you and your people Milltown and the surrounding lands for as long as the twin suns rise and fall."

This was met by thunderous applause and DG springing out of her throne to hug the robotic couple.

Then Tutor was called forward and given a medal and his old post of royal…tutor.

Cain wondered why the man didn't seem to have a proper name. Tutor wasn't a name… it was an occupation. And he clearly disliked being called Toto.

"Raw son of Rawl of the People who Feel, Ambrose Regent, and Wyatt Cain," intoned the prince. "Come forth."

They went forth and bowed.

"Because of you most loyal three our world is saved. Because of you our daughters live. And while we can never repay you we would give each of you tokens of our gratitude." Ahamo intoned solemnly.

"Raw son of Rawl," The queen stood and hung a medal on a ribbon around his neck. "For your great courage we give you the Lion Medal for the valorous. Know this; true courage is not the absence of fear but the acknowledgement that something else is more important than fear."

"We would ask this of your people," Ahamo said with a smile. "That you remain in our court under the posting of ambassador."

Raw goggled at the Prince Consort. "Raw honored." With that he blearily made his way off the dais only to be hugged firmly by DG.

"Our dear Ambrose," Said the queen. Lurline smiled widely at her old friend who offered her an elegant bow.

"Majesty," Glitch murmured.

"What shall we do for you who gave up so much?"

Ambrose blushed and looked at his shoes, "I would do it again."

Lurline smiled gently at him, "And that is why you are rewarded. Ambrose Regent we return to you your posting of our advisor. In addition, we name you, your grace the Duke of Win-kia. And you can't say no, Ambrose. It's a royal decree." She pinned a medal to his lapel with a smug smile.

Ambrose nodded absently and twitched as his synapses misfired, "Sure thing, your highnessness." It could be assumed that Glitch was now in possession of the body as he all but danced down the steps to hug DG and then to stand next to Raw.

"Wyatt Cain, Tin Man." The queen smiled gently at Cain who tried not to twitch. The lawman removed his hat and gave a sweeping bow.

The queen pinned a medal to his coat. "Someone else has asked to honor you, Mr. Cain and under the circumstances I could not very well refuse her."

Cain blinked as the queen returned to her throne. Someone else. What was that supposed to mean?

Princess DG stood up and gave him a small wave. Cain strode over to her. "What's going on?" he said lowly.

DG shrugged and ignored the question. A page mounted the steps carrying a sword on a plush pillow.

"Kneel," DG said with a smile.

Cain looked from the sword to DG and knelt. The princess took the sword gingerly and carried it carefully over to Cain. She touched his right shoulder, his head, and then his left shoulder with the naked blade.

"Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, and may your heart know only virtue. May your wrath undo the wicked. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath." DG intoned solemnly.

Cain stared up in a daze at her morning glory blue eyes. A daze that was shattered when she slapped him sharply on the cheek; it was a good swinging slap with some weight behind it. He was duly impressed.

"And that's so you remember it!" DG said loudly. There was a subdued rumble of laughter from the court. "Stand, Sir Wyatt Cain, Knight of the Realm." She kissed him on his forehead. Her lips were warm.

He stood with a baffled grin.

Wyatt Cain nodded to the princess and turned to join Glitch and Raw.

"Sir Wyatt." His name in her voice was new. Cain could easily get used to it. "One more thing."

"Yes, princess?" he looked at her expectantly. The page had taken away the sword and now held up a velvet box.

"A Tin Man needs a badge," DG said solemnly. The page opened it. There displayed on green satin, was a badge. It wasn't the traditional circle and star. Instead, it was a very familiar sigil, the same one that she had branded to her palm for the majority of their journey, it was the royal crest. And it was crafted resplendently from tin.

* * *

To clear up one misconception, I am not an expert on all things Oz. I get my information from the nice people at wikipedia.

In the books the scarecrow lived in Winkie Country.

The knighting ceremony is adapted in parts from Balien's knighting in Kingdom of Heaven and a little from the old code of knighthood from Dragonheart.


	5. FlashbackFortunes

**Raw**

It was Raw son of Rawl's ninth annual and he had ran away from the wild boar hunt. His father pulled him impatiently by the hand.

"I don't understand it. How can anyone with the totem and spirit of the lion be so afraid all the time," Rawl huffed.

There were all sorts of assumptions made by humans about the People that Feel. One was that because they spoke English like a slow five year old that they themselves were slow. That was patently untrue. In their own language they were elegant and precise in their words.

"I'm sorry father," Raw said sadly. "The boar was very big and I'm very small."

Rawl shook his head, "My son, if it were only the boars I'd understand. But it seems everything causes you to run. You run from storms, humans, bunnyburies, ducks and females."

Raw shrugged, "She was going to kiss me!"

At that his laughed aloud, "Someday you will not mind so much."

Raw's eyes opened wide with dismay when he saw whose wigwam they were headed towards and he frantically tried to pull away. "I don't want to see Shmi the shamaness!"

Rawl ignored this outburst. "You will see her. I can't seem to help you. Oh, my son you cannot go through life afraid. A life lived in fear is a life half lived." Without another word he pushed his son into the wigwam to face the shamaness alone.

Shmi was old. Her fur was white and her eyes nearly blind and yet she seemed to see right through the young male. "Come closer Raw."

Trembling he went forward. Running would only make it worse. Stiffly he sat in front of her cross-legged.

Shmi regarded the boy silently before pulling out a small pouch whose contents she emptied into one hand. Between shamaness and child there was a loose circle of rocks into this circle she threw the pouches contents, polished bones and glittering rocks that made strange patterns in the firelight.

She let out a sharp hiss, "Look up. Of all the things you fear, truth has never been one of them.

Hesitantly, Raw looked up.

"Child, I have peered into the future many times and I am rarely surprised. You have a touch of destiny about you."

Raw blinked in astonishment.

Shimi smiled grimly, "The land of the two suns will know darkness and the missing one who died once at beloved hands will return before you know yourself and find your own courage."

"But what does that mean," The Child wondered.

"Only time will tell."

* * *

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived." is from the Strictly Ballroom. 

Shmi is also the name of Anakin Skywalker's mother.

"You have a touch of destiny about you." Is from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

* * *

**Glitch**

Ambrose Regent smiled weakly at his great aunt. Aunt Morella had a reputation. Besides being a scandal as a young woman she was also given to premonitions. And she wanted to tell him his future.

It wasn't that Ambrose didn't believe in things like premonitions, in the O.Z. a world saturated with magic; it would be foolish to dismiss such things out of hand. It was just that Ambrose was very aware of his own dignity and Aunt Morella delighted in spraining people's poise.

It did not help that this was his graduation party. He had just graduated with top honors in Science from Shiz University. Ambrose wasn't looking forward to being humiliated in front of all his friends and family. Again.

So he did his best to avoid his most flamboyant relative.

Ambrose was a pale boy of about twenty who stood as straight as a poker and dressed like...a really rich science geek. He thought entirely too much of the opinions of others.

Morella nearly caught him at the refreshment table but he reluctantly started a conversation with Alchemist Grey, a man who Morella absolutely despised. This would keep her off his scent for a little while.

But alas it was only a stop gap effort. She cornered him behind a potted plant.

"Hello, Aunt Morella."

"Hello, Ambrose. Have you avoided me enough? I only enjoy humiliating people I don't like and you don't fall into that category." Morella was beautiful as girl and now a woman of a certain age she had faded to simply handsome but that did nothing to soften the intimidation factor.

"Sorry, Aunt Morella."

Morella sat on a low settee and patted the spot next to her. Obediently, Ambrose joined her.

"You're apprehensive." This wasn't a question.

Ambrose shrugged, "I'm not sure that I want to know my future. The present seems daunting enough."

Morella shrugged, "That may very well be; however, this is important."

Ambrose squirmed under her sharp gaze.

"I'm afraid that this won't make such sense until after the fact." Morella bit her lip. The boy needed both a warning and encouragement... "You will give up what you value most for loyalties sake. Only after that will you find wisdom and your soul's rhythm. You will wander alone for a long time until you meet the first slipper's inheritor. You'll help bring back the light."

"Why are all prophesies so cryptic?" Ambrose wondered.

Morella laughed, "I suppose the universe supplies with only as much knowledge as we can take in without our heads exploding." She smiled at her dear boy, "I don't suppose you'd want to cut a rug with an embarrassing old relation?"

Ambrose stood and bowed with a flourish, "Shall we dance?"

* * *

Morella was a Centauri psychic on Babylon 5. 

Shiz is a city and university from Wicked.

* * *

**Wyatt Cain**

"He's nuts," was the judgment of first year cadet Lonnie Zero.

Wyatt Cain smiled lazily into his coffee mug, "Who's nuts? The Mystic Man?"

The two cadets were assigned to shadow the wizard's protection detail. Cain didn't know the other cadet that well only that Zero had a reputation for bad decisions.

"Yeah, the geezers restoring some old machine that's supposed to tell the future." Zero rubbed a sweaty palm over his pants. "If he tells you to put your hand on it—don't. It bit me."

Cain pushed his hat back a fraction, "Well, what did it say?"

Zero shrugged uncomfortably, "According to the machine, 'my ambition will always exceed my grasp.'"

"That sounds a mite worrying," Cain said looking at the other cadet with concern. The Mystic Man was rarely wrong about anything and so ignoring his admonitions wasn't smart.

Zero kicked at a rock, "I think we're here so he can test us for something."

"Testing us… For what?"

Zero was about to answer when the magician's lovely assistant Xia popped a head out the door. "Cadet Cain."

Cain stood and removed his hat, "Yes."

"He'll see you now," Xia said with smile.

The Mystic Man's apartment looked like what would happen if a magic shop and a laboratory exploded. Musty books with titles written in ancient hieroglyphics shared space with odd looking contraptions.

Wyatt found the old man in the kitchen fussing over what appeared to be a gigantic paperweight made out of a half-melted jumble of large crystals. The wizard would wave different wands over portions of the…thing which would light up in an eye watering array of colors.

"What we need here is maybe something a little more sonic. Cadet hand me the silver wand with the blue crystal on the tip," the wizard commanded.

Cain obligingly poked about in a messy tool box filled with wands of all descriptions. "Is this the one you want?"

The Mystic Man nodded absently, "Just the one." He tapped a small cloudy crystal and grinned as it lit up green. "Yes!" He smiled winningly at Cain. "Alas, I can't take all the credit…I got the idea for a sonic wand from a most remarkable physician."

"Now, would you put your hand over the flat part if you please?"

Cain slapped a palm over the crystal and flinched when he felt a sharp pinch. The crystal flared to life glowing with a confusing tangle of colors. "Umm. Sir, is it supposed to do that?"

The Mystic Man gaped at the pulsating lights. "You will live two lives, Tin Man," the wizard interpreted haltingly. "And have two loves. Your first life will be of your own choosing as will the love of that life. The love of your second life will not be of your choosing for you will love like you breathe. A friend will betray you and you'll sleep in hell until your prison is opened by the last hope. Straw and fur will help you. Protect the girl, Tin Man. She's the key. You must promise…" He trailed off and his face turned pale.

Cain felt light headed as the colors danced hypnotically.

The Mystic Man gently pulled Cain's hand away from the crystal. "Why don't you sit down and I'll pour you a glass of something fortifying."

Cain sat heavily into a chair and gingerly sipped at the whiskey the wizard provided, "What the hell was that?!"

The Mystic Man sighed, "Nothing you need to worry about—right now. The future will take care of itself."

* * *

The most remarkable physician with a love of things sonic is of course, The Doctor. 

Straw is a reference to the scarecrow, fur to the cowardly lion.

* * *

**DG**

Three thirteen year olds with unlikely names stood in front of the fortuneteller tent on a muggy late summer day in Kansas.

The boy was named Zeb Hugson and he had a mop of straw blond hair that flopped into gray eyes. "A fortuneteller, do you really believe that hokum?"

A girl with perpetually surprised blue eyes laughed at him, "Did you just say hokum?" Her name was DG Gale. Yes, just those two letters and nothing more. She didn't even know if they stood for something. For all she knew her mom could've just liked the sound of it.

"I didn't say that!" Zeb said quickly knowing that his friends would never let such an opportunity to tease pass them by.

"It's your mom," DG said absently pulling at her hair.

The third of the trio was Mulan Goldblum, a girl whose mixed heritage perpetually drove her crazy. She was tiny with brown slanted eyes and a distinctive nose. "What? The phones not ringing…" The tinny notes of 'Momma said' sprang from her cell phone.

"How do you do that?" Zeb asked in bewilderment as Mulan negotiated for a few more hours.

"Do what?" DG asked blinking at the late summer sun.

Zeb sighed. He suspected DG didn't know how she did things. And she always disregarded them when they happened.

Mulan popped the phone back into her jacket pocket. "I have two hours of fun left. So can we get this show on the road?" With that she went into the tent.

DG slipped in after Zeb.

The tent was bare save for a few chairs in front of the round table that was covered by red linen cloth. A crystal ball sat next to a deck of cards. The fortuneteller was a young black woman with an impressive array of braids and dark liquid eyes. "Come in children. Noting to be afraid of," her accent was Jamaican. "You can call me Tia Nyssa."

Mulan sat down in front of the woman and dropped a five dollar bill down.

"Confidant are we? Tia Nyssa murmured. She looked at Mulan's palm, "Ahh. So you have da right to such confidence. Listen, little daughter of China and Israel, you will not know boundaries and your touch will 'elp who ever you meet."

This satisfied Mulan who made way for Zeb who as always looked skeptical.

"You will ever be loved," Tia Nyssa smiled sadly at the boy.

"That's all I get?" Zeb said wonderingly. He didn't think it was worth five dollars.

"You get a lifetime. That's all anyone ever gets." The fortuneteller said cryptically.

Next was DG who held out an expectant hand.

Tia Nyssa peered at DG's palm with disbelief that was followed with resignation. "So much sorrow for someone so young. Pain rooted deep." Nyssa bowed her head in respect, "I know you princess. You traveled far and still have so far left to go…Not all that wonder are lost eh?"

DG pulled her hand from the Jamaicans. Her heart was beating like a drum. "That's enough." She stood and made for the tent flap.

"_Two little princesses dancing in a row . . . spinning fast and freely on their little toes. . . . Where the light will take them, no one ever knows. . . . Two little princesses dancing in a row. . ."_ Sang the fortuneteller sadly.

DG came to a halt as her mind was assaulted by images of a cave and a spinning doll. "Stop," she whispered as fear and shame and sorrow filled her chest.

Tia Nyssa shrugged, "When you take da old road, trust to straw, trust to fur, and especially trust to tin. And remember don't let go."

DG nodded and stumbled out into the light of day.

* * *

'Not all who wonder are lost,' is from the LOTR in reference to Aragorn. 

Zeb Hugson would die a year later from leukemia.

'You get a lifetime. That's all anyone ever gets,' is a quotation from Death of the Endless.

Dr. Mulan Goldblum would eventually join Doctors without Boarders.

And as for DG…


	6. Dog Day Afternoon

The problem was this. No matter how many years and centuries past him by, he was not a man who could turn into a dog; he was a dog who turned into a man. And so if his perceptions seemed skewed there was good reason.

He had slipped in with Dorothy Gale on the first trip so very long ago; he had helped her and her three friends banish the bitch into the cave in the first place. He was amazed the old bat hadn't recognized him. But, then it wasn't until he and Dorothy had their second adventure in the O.Z. that he found he could shift.

"Let the Light flow…" The royal tutor admonished his pupil.

"Flow through me. I know," DG said with some exasperation.

Today's lesson was elementary illusion and the girl's mind kept wandering.

The tutor waved a hand in the air, "What were thinking about?"

DG bit her lip. "About how their making me see a shrink. It's not like I've got PTSD."

"PTSD?"

"Post-traumatic stress disorder. They used to call it shell-shock," DG explained.

"It's just a precaution. Anyway you should be concentrating on your lesson. Think about light flowing…"

"Through me. I got it." DG closed her eyes, a slight smile gracing her lips. Her forehead wrinkled as she focused, she folded her hands together palm to palm and then opened them slowly.

Sitting on her palm was an iridescent butterfly sculpted out of light. It flicked its prismed wings.

"What are you thinking of?" The tutor asked in fascination.

"Light. And my last science class. Did you know that light is a wave and a particle at the same time?" DG said dreamily as she made another butterfly.

"I can't say that I did," the tutor replied.

DG expression grew dreamy, "The speed of light is in a vacuum is exactly 299,792,458 miles per second.

The tutor had to wonder how that information had helped.

DG's magical training was progressing at a frightening speed. He had to split the girls up. Azkadelia had to unlearn much of what she knew, and DG needed to slow down…he was having trouble keeping up.

He was an old dog. It was probably time to train a successor. But, no…not until these two were trained. It had been torture knowing that Dorothy's line had nearly ended under his watch.

As more butterflies were formed the tutor took in the scents in the air. A dog could tell a lot about a person by how they smelled. DG smelt of dew dappled lilacs, chocolate and cedar. And ah, this smell contrasted and complemented the younger princess to a surprising degree…leather, aged whiskey and sun warmed tin tinted with a sizable amount of pheromones.

"Hello, Cain." The tutor said this low enough as not to catch the girl's attention.

" 'Lo Toto." The Tin Man had taken a week to spend with his son. DG wouldn't be able to concentrate the moment she knew that he was back.

The tutor made an annoyed face at the name. He then had to suppress a grin as the lawman's expression went from teasing to touched with awe.

The sight of DG twirling around in circles in a cloud of butterflies had rendered the normally taciturn man speechless.

The glimmering badge marked with the royal seal seemed to shimmer and the tutor laughed quietly.

Cain tore his eyes from the princess's trim figure. "What?"

The tutor tapped the badge, "She touched it with her magic."

"Why would DG do that," Cain wondered looking down at the glittering insignia.

"To keep you safe I would imagine," said the tutor.

DG's eyes fluttered open and she caught sight of Cain.

"Hey there, princess."

That she ran into his arms was all too predictable. After holding on a moment to long for propriety they relinquished their hold on each other.

"I'm gone a week…" Cain began.

"How's Jeb?" DG cut in quickly.

Cain rolled his eyes, "He's doing great. No changing the subject. I was gone for a week and when I come back I hear that you've unleashed havoc."

DG shrugged uncomfortably. "Havoc. Me?" She batted her eyes innocently at him.

Wyatt Cain, Tin Man, Knight of the Realm had found himself the head of the Royal Protection Unit. The queen, prince consort, and elder princess were easy enough to watch over; the younger princess not so much. Personally, the tutor wondered how Cain stayed sane.

The guard who had been assigned (and threatened with something dire if he didn't deliver) with DG's safety had quietly turned in his resignation when Cain had returned from his trip.

The tutor had heard the rumors. They had included a wild horse, an unlucky cabbage salesman and two yards of pink bunting and a field full of mud. And that was just the unfortunate guard's first day. The poor man had said something about going into something less stressful; like driving experimental explosives over a rickety bridge over the divide.

The tutor smiled as the pair argued gently. It looked like the line would continue. It may be a dog's life; but, he had no complaints.


	7. Born for Speed

According to Glitch, Cain was possessed of much psychological baggage. This baggage came in the form of a massive Boy Scout syndrome, bitter pessimism, and paranoia… a lot of paranoia.

Paranoia that Cain felt was justified. Especially, since the moment he walked into the foray of the headcase's (former!) impressive laboratory the first thing he saw was Azkadelia and Raw in whispered conference. Every few seconds they'd give Ambrose's office a furtive glance.

That couldn't bode well.

"Your highness." Cain said with a pleasant smile. He gave a seeping bow. "Raw." He nodded at the viewer.

The elder princess and her furry companion started at the sound of his voice.

"Cain," The viewer nodded and smiled wide and fake.

Az gave a high pitched giggle. "Sir Wyatt! How…unexpected."

The lawman looked from one worried face to another. People only got that expression around him, an expression that was one part terrified and one part baffled, was when Az's sister did something they knew would make him explode.

Az gave the office another surreptitious peek.

And the only thing more likely to give him a coronary was when DG teamed up with Glitch for what she liked to call adventures.

There was a reason the people had taken to calling DG their 'Princess Errant.' And by errant they did not mean delinquent (though sometimes that fit), no they meant it in a specific context. a context such as knight errant.

Cain wondered if it was too much to ask for DG to let him to slay a few of the dragons she found; or to at least let him watch her back.

Raw gathered together his newfound courage and addressed Cain, "Raw make one point."

Cain and Az looked at him expectantly.

"This not Raw's fault!" with that out of the way he folded his arms around himself with a huff.

Cain's scowl left Raw and fell on Azkadelia. She offered him a weak smile.

"Tea!" the elder princess said abruptly. "Would you like to take tea with me ambassador?" she asked Raw, her eyes pleading.

Raw blinked at her for a moment. Sometimes when people called him ambassador he still looked behind him in confusion for whomever they might be addressing. "Raw delighted." He gravely held out an arm.

Az took it in shear relief and the pair swept out the laboratory door.

Cain glowered at their retreating backs. Raw hated tea. He had said so on a number of different occasions. He held that it tasted like boiled skunkweed.

A delighted female laugh fell on his ears and despite himself; Cain felt his own lips quirk up. On their strange passage through the O.Z. DG had been so solemn and now to hear her let go so joyously was impossible to get enough of.

Ambrose's office was large and spacious and meticulously neat like his entire laboratory. It sported shelf of various things that beeped and a large polished desk roughly the size of a small duck pond. Behind the desk was a painting of the lush and ardent countryside of Win-Kia in which a scarecrow was depicted keeping watch over an endless cornfield.

Wyatt Cain's smile faded at the sight before him. DG was dancing about spastically only to stop every few minutes to grab Glitch in an enthusiastic hug and to cover his unresisting face with kisses.

Cain's face was a downright grumpy when he saw the reason for all the affection she was doling out so generously to the scientist.

It stood on the plush carpeting like some unholy sculpture of steal, black paint and leather. It was DG's beloved motorcycle. It had blown over in the same Travel Storm that DG had traveled on in the beginning.

"No." Cain said flatly.

Ambrose covered a grin with his hand. He'd bet anything that the bike wasn't the only reason for the lawman's ire.

A familiar air of stubborn filled DG's eyes. "Sir Wyatt," she said with great dignity. "You are not now. Nor have you ever been the boss of me." DG smiled sweetly at him. She'd been working on her princess-isty. She just about had what Az called 'the voice of total confidence' down.

"You don't seem to understand, kiddo." He smiled at her wrinkled nose. She hated being called that. "You are not going to zoom around the O.Z. on that deathtrap."

DG snorted, "I've been riding around on that 'deathtrap' since I was sixteen. I'm not in any danger." She smiled smugly. "Besides, it's not like you can stop me."

Cain wondered for the umpteenth time what her reaction would be if he turned her over his knee and gave her the spanking she so richly needed at times. Sometimes he thought it would be worth being thrown into a cell for putting hands on her royal person.

"Just keep testing me, highness and I guaranty you a response," Wyatt bit out.

DG rolled her eyes, "That would be what is known as an empty threat."

"If I might interject," Ambrose asked leaning against his desk.

"No!" this came from both the Tin Man and the princess.

Ambrose twitched into his Glitch persona, "Hey, were all friends here. At least I think so."

He flung his exuberant arms over two combative sets of shoulders, "If you would both simmer down long enough to take in my beyond brilliant addition's to DG's bike…" His time with half a brain had really made him more modest.

"You'll notice I've tricked this baby out with a fab new engine. It now runs without all that messy fossil fuel. And twice as fast!" Glitch tried not to cower at Cain's low growl.

DG laughed.

Now was probably a good time to get to the part that would disarm the two antagonists.

"Did I mention that I provided a force field that will protect our girl no matter how fast her little heart desires to go?" Glitch had a hopeful smile.

"I suppose that's alright," muttered the Tin Man.

"Are we all friends again? No more verbal gladiator contests?" Glitch asked bumping two different hips with his own.

"I guess," DG said carefully not looking at Cain.

Cain did not look at DG just as carefully, "Fine."


	8. Oil of Joy for Mourning

DG slipped past the night guards into her sister's bedroom. It had been arranged so that in all the royal residences that the royal progeny would sleep across from each other. It was an arrangement that pleased everyone. It was convenient for the Royal Protection Detail and more importantly it was convenient for the princesses themselves. Especially, on a night such as this.

It had been two months since the last time Azkadelia had a nightmare. The first month DG had all but moved into Az's room. Az would dream of the cave. Az would dream that the witch's defeat was a dream and that she was still trapped in the prison of her own mind, that one would send her screaming.

DG tiptoed over to Az's canopied bed. The elder princess had stopped thrashing around and now whispered and moaned to herself under the moonlight dripping in from the window. DG put the beribboned box with the curious holes careful down on the lamp table before sliding in the bed with her sister.

DG took her sister's trembling hand with her own, the clear light of their joined magic flared to life, and she began to sing, _"Two little princesses dancing in a row… spinning fast and freely on their little toes… Where the light will take them, no one ever knows…. Two little princesses dancing in a row…"_

Az's eyes fluttered opened. She tightened her grip on DG's hand and took up the song with her. _"…spinning fast and freely on their little toes…Where the light will take them, no one ever knows. . . . Two little princesses dancing in a row…"_

Their shared light filled the opulent chamber chasing darkness away. Two hearts slowed and steadied.

DG refrained from pleading forgiveness from running when they were children. About the ninth time she had done it, Az had thumped her on the shoulder and told her to stop being an idiot. The time for blame and recriminations had faded away. DG would never run again. That was all she could really do. Guilt would not bring back Azkadelia's stolen years.

"What triggered it?" Az would be fine and then something would bring back the tears in the night.

Azkadelia rested her head on DG's shoulder. "The latest reports on how many are addicted to the vapors. It seems that the number of children taking the damn stuff is…" She trailed off with a sigh. "The witch gave the dealer specific orders to target the young."

DG listened. Sometimes you couldn't make it better. Sometimes all you could do was be there.

"The witch made me feel like an extension of her," Az began hesitantly. "I tried to fight her but I was too young. After, she used my hands to kill you…I just couldn't anymore. I held her off for three months."

DG stroked Azkadelia's waterfall of dark hair comfortingly.

"She made be believe that our parents had abandoned me to her and that she was all I had," Az bit her lip. "She made me feel the pleasure she took in all the horrible things she did. And she tricked me into thinking that they were my feelings too."

DG shuddered and felt hot tears leak out the corners of her eyes. "Oh, my sister," she whispered and planted a kiss on one pale temple.

"Maybe," began DG tentatively. "We could figure out a cure for the vapors."

Az pushed up on one her elbow. "A cure?" interest filled her voice.

DG shrugged, "If we stay together what can't we do? And if we got Glitch to help us…"

"I do know how she made the loathsome concoction in the first place…" A smile worked its way onto Azkadelia's finely sculpted features. "I think I'd like to heal the things she used me to break." A spring shower of hope rained down on Az's parched heart.

A soft sound broke the now peaceful silence that permeated the room.

"Oh!" DG exclaimed and detangled herself from her sister. "This was going to be a birthday present; but, I though you might need it now." She plopped a beribboned and beholed box on Az's stomach.

Azkadelia sat up and regarded the gently rustling gift. She took of the lid and let out a soft delighted laugh. She dropped the lid to one side and pulled out the box's mewing contents.

It was a kitten. "It's pink!" Az gasped in enjoyment. "Where did you find a pink kitten?"

DG shrugged. How did one explain a mysterious shop appearing in the marketplace that disappeared once she made her purchase?

It was indeed pink. And adorable to an almost ridiculous degree, with soft rose petal pink fur that felt like fine velvet against the skin, amethyst eyes and outsized ears made the little creature look like something that escaped a five year old's imagination.

It wore a jeweled collar with a gold name tag with 'Eureka!' spelt out in ornate script.

"She came with the name," DG explained.

"What does it mean?" Az asked as the little creature began to purr sibilantly against her stroking fingers.

"It's from an old language called Greek. It means 'I got it!' Supposedly, some philosopher jumped out of his bathtub and ran down the street naked yelling 'eureka!' when he thought of something brilliant."

At that Azkadelia laughed out loud. It was something she could easily imagine Ambrose doing in one of his glitchier moments.

"It's a good thing we got all the documents out of that tower before I destroyed it. There were reports on how the vapors directly affect the body." Az chucked Eureka under the chin.

DG nodded and considered just _how _Az destroyed the seat of the witch's power. She still wondered why sending in a demolition team wasn't acceptable. Personally, the younger princess thought that summoning meteors to bombard it was a going a bit overboard.

People had taken to calling the plateau with the pile of scorched rocks 'Witch's Waste.'

"I don't really know a lot about physiology…" DG sighed leaning back on a mountain of pillows. "I mean I passed two biology sequences at the college I was attending on Earth." She still couldn't call it the Other Side. It seemed to be an unnecessary affectation for someone who was raised there. "But that's about all."

"It's okay, Deej. We'll figure it out." Azkadelia hugged DG about the shoulders. "As long as were together we can do anything."

* * *

Eureka the pink kitten was in the Oz books. 


	9. Royal Education Geography Test

Azkadelia idly teased her pink kitten Eureka with a ball of blue yarn. She would dangle the end in front of a small inquisitive nose and pull up just as the small creature was about to pounce.

Today, for some reason known only to the Creator, the gods, and Ozma she was in charge of giving DG her geography test.

Currently, her younger sister was concentrating on a large and by large think big as a palace wall mural map. As she would say the name of a place it the wall would produce it in writing.

Az was sure she should probably disapprove of just how many secret entrances DG knew to get into the 'Realm of the Unwanted.' She just couldn't find it in herself to care.

"Az?"

"Yes, DG."

"Why is it called the O.Z. What is it outer from? Earth?" DG asked quizzically.

Az shrugged, "I have no idea."

DG nodded. "And know we have the Deadly Desert which surrounds us completely. Lets see…The Sands of Forgetfulness, Time Sand, Quicksilver Sand, Crazy Sand…called that because it makes people crazy, the entrance to the shatterstone mines, The Islands Oasis and the ruins of the lost city of…"

Eureka suddenly felt the need to climb up Azkadelia's voluminous skirts. "Little one, your claws are not good for my wardrobe."

She refocused on her sister how had moved on to the outer lands. As DG spoke the name of a land its crest would form on the wall. Az couldn't figure why DG was so apprehensive. The younger princess had taken to studying obsessively; for some reason she was afraid of failing the family and the kingdom. Please, DG had saved the world. Everyone was more than willing to give her a whole lot of slack if she should falter in her studies. So, when DG wasn't seemingly looking for trouble, you could find her in the library for hours at a time; sometimes she would have to be pulled out into the sunshine by someone. Usually Cain; who DG at least pretended to listen too.

"Ev, Ix and Mo…" DG had moved out of the desert and into the other realms that surrounded the O.Z. "Mongo which is ruled by a crazy water hoarding tyrant. Then Coventry…" the wall formed the blue and silver joined crescent moon and sun. "Didn't they just get their princesses back too?"

"Yes," Azkadelia said thoughtfully. "They grew up on the Other Side like you did. Perhaps you should start a correspondence with the twins, you'd probably have a lot to talk about." She chuckled, "Mother thought the names that Queen Miranda and King Aron had picked out for the twins were odd."

DG blinked, "Artemis and Apolla may be a touch usual I'll grant you that that." She wondered how they came to be named after figures from earth mythology. "Although, I wonder how a woman who thought naming her daughters Azkadelia and DG was a good idea has any room to talk about odd names," she grinned cheekily.

Az laughed. "Point," she conceded.

DG moved on," Florin and Guilder. Neither are technologically advanced. Guilder has a bald princess."

"Largest hat collection in the realms," Az confirmed with a grin.

"Didn't Prince Humperdinck's bride run off with a pirate on their wedding day?" DG said worrying her bottom lip.

"Couldn't have happened to a nice psychopath," said Az with some glee.

"With a name like Humperdinck no wonder he's crazy," DG grinned back at her.

This went on for another half hour.

"Congratulations! You passed." Azkadelia sighed and removed Eureka who had managed to climb up her hair and to perch on her head like a fuzzy pink crown.

DG whooped in triumph.

"Now you have the underworld and three other planes to map out," Az smiled sweetly at her sister.

DG groaned.

"But, before that lets go get some lunch. I hear that Lady Emily is teaching the kitchen staff Other Side recipes. Something called pizza is on today's menu."

DG perked up.

"It's okay if you call her mom you know? She's told you so… on a number of occasions," DG threaded her arm around her sisters.

"I know. I just feel awkward calling her that…" Az said.

DG's robotic parents had extended their parenting parameters to include Azkadelia and all three of DG's friends. Whether they wanted to be parented or not.

"Hey, after we're done with my geography test do you want to try out my baby?" DG asked hopefully.

Az shuddered "Deej, I think I'd rather volunteer to be a test bunnybury for the science wing.

* * *

Ev, Ix and Mo are from the books.

Yes, Mongo from Flash Gordon—don't judge me!

Coventry from T'Witches…you know you watched it.

Florin and Guilder from the Princess Bride

In S. Morganstern's the Princess Bride, the book not the movie, the princess of Guilder was indeed bald and possessing of an impressive hat collection.


	10. Big Block of Cheese Day

"Are you ready for this?" Azkadelia asked her sister, her voice dripping apprehension.

DG bit her lower lip, "Not even remotely."

"Announcing their Royal Highnesses, Princess Azkadelia and Princess DG of the House of Gail," boomed the footman.

Slowly the sisters entered the hall to the sound of silver trumpets. They gave those assembled a moment to admire their gowns, the elder in deep forest velvet with cream lace trip, the younger in spring green silk spotted over with pink embroidered roses, before they took their place on identical simple yet elegantly carved thrones on a small dais. This hall wasn't as imposing as the Great Hall; but, it was sufficiently impressive.

Today was Purple Pumpkin Day (DG wasn't surprised that there really were purple pumpkins…they were a specialty of Gillikin Country) a day when the rulers of land were available to any citizen regardless of social standing or how minuscule their complaint. From what DG could tell this day had a lot in common with 'Big Block of Cheese Day' back in America.

Today was also DG's first day in a more official capacity. Until now all she had to do was wave and look pretty. But now her decisions would be binding and people would have to follow them. She was a little terrified.

Az was also terrified. Her reasons had more to do with being afraid people would hate her. Telling a princess she shouldn't care about what people think about her is all well and good; however, if you are a princess you know that you'd damn well better care because these are _your_ _people _and what they think does count.

"His Grace, Ambrose Duke of Win-Kia." Glitch all but sprawled on the chair that stood at the bottom of the dais. He winked at the girls.

Today, the girls were virtually on their own. Lurline and Ahamo had taken Raw to help them attend to business in Quadling Country. Hank and Emily needed to see to things in Milltown.

DG smiled when she saw Cain leaning against a pillar to her left, hat pushed down over his icy blue eyes, arms crossed and radiating danger. Just daring anybody to start something. She felt better all ready.

"Erio of the Eastern Guild," Announced the footman.

A munchkin dressed in the traditional skins of his people with half of his face painted blue bowed with his hands flat in front of him. "Your Highnesses, I have composed a poem."

Az looked at DG who looked back at her with dismay clouding her eyes. Munchkin music was a ghastly assault to the ears.

"Which I will now recite," This coming from a munchkin seemed like a threat.

_Ding-dong the witch is dead  
Which old witch? The wicked witch  
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead_

The little man recited in a voice full of rocks. Glitch shrugged helplessly.

_Wake up you sleepyhead  
Rub your eyes, get out of bed  
Wake up the wicked witch is dead  
She's gone where the goblins go  
Below - below – below_

"Out of his tiny mind," murmured DG lowly. It wasn't over.

_Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out  
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low  
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead_

_Yes, let the joyous news be spread  
The wicked old witch at last is dead_

The duke was of two minds. Ambrose thought it was the most abysmal drivel he'd ever heard. Glitch thought it was kinda catchy.

Wyatt Cain wondered if he'd get into trouble for shooting the little poet. Justifiable homicide maybe?

_Ding-dong the witch is dead  
Which old witch? The wicked witch  
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead  
Wake up you sleepyhead  
Rub your eyes, get out of bed  
Wake up the wicked witch is dead  
She's gone where the goblins go  
Below - below - below  
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out  
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low  
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead_

With that the little man came to a stop and gave a sweeping bow.

"It was uh," DG faltered and looked over at a shell shocked Az who nodded rendered mute.

"Something," DG continued. The munchkin smiled widely. "I think I can speak for everybody here when I say no one who's heard your masterpiece will ever forget it."

The munchkin bowed with an effusive bow. "I knew your highnesses couldn't help seeing my genus. Wait till the guys at the O.Z. Poetry Society hear about this!" With that he was escorted out by a footman with a very firm hand.

"Very diplomatic," Az complimented her.

DG shrugged, "Wouldn't want to get flayed because I gave a bad review. Now would I?"

-----

"He stole my land!" shouted the farmer. He pointed a weathered finger at a bored looking nobleman.

The situation was this. Mr. Vernic had a turnip field. It had supported his family for many generations. Lord Bingly, who owned land from miles around, coveted Mr. Vernic's turnip field because it was something he could see from his window that was not his.

Mr. Vernic claimed that Bingly had sent in a thief who stole the deed. The old man was irate and rightly so he had a large extended family to care for.

"I have no idea what the peasant is going on about, Bingly said dismissively. "Anyway who are your highnesses going to believe; a peer of the realm or some mangy farmer?"

Cain caught the look of righteous indignation in DG's eyes and his lips quirked up. The peacock wouldn't know what hit him.

"Lord Bingly, I grew up on a farm you know." DG smiled sweetly at the now uncertain lord.

"I wasn't aware Princess DG," Bingly admitted.

"I was raised by farmers, went to school with the children of farmers and I helped out with the harvest every year," DG went on.

Azkadelia sat back with a wide smile. Seeing what her irrepressible baby sister would do next was one of her great joys in life.

"He's lying," Bingly blurted.

DG looked from Bingly to the old man who stood straw hat in hand. "I think we should find out for sure who's lying. What do you think Az"

"Always an excellent idea sister dear," Az smoothed out her skirts. "What do you have in mind?"

"We don't have Raw around…so how about that truth spell Tutor taught a week ago?" DG asked raising a delicate brow.

"I think that's an excellent idea." Az smiled at the now sweating nobleman. "You do the honors."

DG stood and went a few paces forward. She drew the old symbol for truth in the old hieroglyphic language of the ancients; it burned in the air like a brand.

"Bennington Bingly, did you steal the deed to Mr. Vernic's farm?" DG's voice rang in the hall like a clear silver bell.

The sign for truth flashed red and burned up. "You lied to us," DG said sadly.

At a nod from Cain a guard came forward and grasped the now red face lord by the arm.

"What should we do with him?" DG retook her seat and gave Azkadelia an inquiring look.

"Theft of Land usually is punished with multiple annuals in incarceration. The law is no respecter of persons," Ambrose pointed out helpfully.

"No. Jail is too easy." DG tilted her head to one side. "Okay. What you did to this guy was rotten and you should be punished. But, here's the thing I don't think you have any idea what you did wrong. You don't seem to understand that power comes with great responsibility. So, you're not going to jail. What you are going to do is this: you will pay this man and his family reparations for what you did. That's not all. You will hand over your property and lands over to you're closet relative and then Lord Bingly, you will report to Mr. Vernic as a farm hand; for…oh… the next five annuals."

"You can't do this!" Yelped Bingly in dismay.

"You'll find that I can," DG said pleasantly. "We'll see if you learned anything in five annuals."

"It's not fair!"

DG sighed, "Lord Bingly you took everything from this man. You'd have left him and his family to starve. You don't get to talk about fair."

"Thank you," Mr. Vernic bowed on rickety legs.

"You won't be able to fire him no matter how awful a farmer he'll probably turn out to be," DG's voice was apologetic.

"You can't win them all," Mr. Vernic smiled wryly.

"You can't do this!"

"You'll grow as a person. Manual labor is good for the soul," DG called out cheerfully.

"Nicely done!" Az approved.

----

"Would you bless my new son," a new mother asked holding up a baby. "His name is Doro."

DG leaned towards Azkadelia, "Can we bless people?"

"Just follow my lead.

-----

"Mrs. Kamlin to you I award the gold ribbon for the best pie in entire O.Z." Azkadelia proclaimed grandly.

"I'll say," Glitch dug into pie with gusto.

----

"Okay, so one time Randy Beaman's cat ate this fish from the fishbowl, but the fish was a piranha. It lived inside the cat forever and the cat became…Piranha Cat. 'Kay Bye." The strange little boy bowed and toddled out the hall's tall doors.

"That was different," DG said.

----

"What is it?" Azkadelia said in wonder. She grabbed DG by the arm. "Don't try and pet it! Look at those teeth!"

Cain, gun out, circled the box with the large slathering tongue, sharp teeth and lots of little legs. The Tin Man knew a predator when he saw one.

"It's luggage," Ambrose said. "But, not as we know it."

----

"I don't think I'm so good at this," DG confessed to Azkadelia. "The whole judging thing and giving orders and stuff."

Az smiled, "Don't worry so much you're doing fine. You have plenty of time to get the hang of it. Anyway, it'll be years before you take the throne."

The silence that followed that was profound.

"What now!" DG turned a comical shade of mauve.

Cain's head shot up at DG's distressed tone.

"I can't be queen! You're the heir, the crown princess," DG all but yelled.

Az shrugged. "I don't think the people would accept me. There's too much pain associated with my person."

DG's eyes were wide with panic, "I'd make a horrible queen."

"Nonsense, you're better at this then you know." Az said stoutly.

Both girls fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"If you don't want it, and I damn sure don't why can't just put Ambrose in charge," DG's eye's were wide and serious.

"What!" Glitch all but fell out of his seat.

"Oh," breathed Az. "That could work!"

"No, it couldn't! No, it couldn't! With all due respect, not a chance." Ambrose said firmly.

"But, Ambrose," Az pleaded.

"Glitch…" DG started.

"Who was it who said not too long ago that with 'power comes responsibility?'?" Ambrose waved an admonishing finger in front of the royal noses.

He switched to Glitch, "Why don't you both rule jointly…nothing can stop you when you're together. At least I think so…"

DG and Azkadelia looked at each other. Rule jointly? Why hadn't they thought of that?

* * *

Big Block of Cheese Day is from the West Wing and is sadly not real.

From the Movie…I don't _want _to take credit for that blasted song, I get the thing stuck in my head very time I hear it. This is me sharing the annoyance.

King Saul of Biblical fame once coveted a vineyard so much that he had the owner murdered when he wouldn't sell.

Colin, that's the little boy, and Randy Beaman and Piranha Cat belong to Animaniacs.

The Luggage is from the Discworld.

In the books the Scarecrow was once made ruler of Oz.


	11. Royal Education Fencing

"It's all in the rhythm," Glitch said.

"Why?" DG asked. "Are you teaching me to fence? And not the Fencing Master?"

"I'll have you know I am a Fencing Master. As to why…in all honesty I'm just better," Ambrose preened.

The former headcase was decked out in formal fencing wear; black suede slacks and a padded jacket with gold buttons.

DG pulled on her own jacket and snorted at her friend snooty tone.

"I am! I really am better. I beat him out in like six different competitions," Glitch had taken her snort for disbelief and was suitably indignant.

"I believe you," DG laughed. "So, what's what?" A long thin table with a rose tablecloth held three different pairs of swords."

He pointed at a thin bladed weapon, "This is a foil." It didn't look like it could do any damage. Then a heavier looking blade, "Next is the Épée. And last is the saber."

DG contemplated the swords.

"Pick your weapon," Ambrose gave her an encouraging little push towards the blades.

Hesitantly, she selected an Épée. It felt strange in her hand and she gingery held it with the point as far away from her body as she could get it.

"Do you know anything about swords?" Ambrose said as he practiced a few swishes.

DG wagged the blade halfheartedly, "You stick the pointy end in the bad guy?" She made a stabbing motion.

"Ah," Ambrose blinked. "That's bladed combat, sweetie. We'll get to that later when you've got this down."

Glitch raised his blade with a salute.

DG followed suit.

She copied him and fell into the classic En Garde stance.

"Fencing," Ambrose began. "Is like life give and take, parry and riposte. You got to keep to your toes."

Fencing in the O.Z. didn't have as many rules as it did back on Earth. There were not crossed blades then a withdrawal. If anything, DG thought, it was like in the movies a continuous instantly choreographed flow. And Glitch left Errol Flynn in the dust.

Ambrose slipped forward and swung the weapon, DG's own weapon went up to block it. A few moments of this and Glitch became more aggressive.

DG was having fun, even if she suspected she was having her ass thoroughly kicked up and down the room.

"Bonetti's Defense, you want to use it if you ever face an opponent on rocky ground. Follow that up with a froissement." A froissement being an attack that displaces the opponent's blade by a strong grazing action; Ambrose had actually given her a vocabulary test the day before.

He demonstrated and DG watched in dismay as her sword went clang a few feet away from her.

This happened a lot much to her disgust. Being taught by Glitch was a trip. One moment he'd go from taskmaster to bouncing puppy. Apparently, physical activity made his bi-polar tendencies even crazier. Frankly, she was starting to get dizzy.

From a Flèche (an attack in which the aggressor leaps off his leading foot, attempts to make the hit, and then passes the opponent at a run) into the Capa Ferro from the

Capa Ferro to the Thibault which was best countered with the Agrippa.

DG knew she was very, very outclassed. She felt a little privileged to be beat up by such a pro…just a little. If only the Ambrose part of his brain didn't feel the need to be so smug about it.

DG had reluctantly taken a class in world economics. She'd gotten a B and afterwards she had thought, 'I'm not going to ever use this in real life.' Boy, was she ever wrong. DG had desperately wished she'd paid more attention and that she would have taken the rest of the sequence the very first time she'd ever sat in on a meeting on the currant state of the O.Z. economic situation. She'd say this for the witch…she'd forced the best accountants in the land into her service.

And so, DG would not make the mistake of wondering whether she'd ever need this in the future. Given that she'd gotten taken captive the first time she stepped in the O.Z. knowing how to fence would probably turn out to be damn useful.

"And this is a Balestra," Glitch made a forward hop followed by an attack such as a lunge.

Again DG's blade clinked to the floor.

DG frowned.

"Oh, I know that look," Ambrose smiled. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

DG glared at his smug countenance and shifted into a stance made famous by Luke Skywalker and swung at Glitch's blade.

DG grinned in satisfaction as for once Ambrose lost his sword.

He just sort of gaped at his fallen sword. He looked up at her and a proud grin appeared on his lips. "That was so cool! What was that?"

"It just sort of came to me," DG said modestly.

"Inspired really; however, you really shouldn't try and improvise until you've got the basics down." Glitch used his foot to pitch his sword in the air; he reached out and plucked it out of the air. "Also, you should pace yourself. We've got another hour for you learn the basics.

DG could only moan.

* * *

Bonetti's Defense/Capa Ferro/Thibault/Agrippa are all fictional fencing moves from the Princess Bride.

I don't really know that much about fencing…I just looked it up on the net. Someday, I'd like to really learn how.


	12. Royal Education Shooting Range

For once Wyatt Cain was without his hat also, his duster and jacket. He stood, hands on his hips looking at DG who dangled something in front of his nose.

He looked as relaxed as he ever got in a white, open at the neck, shirt and dark blue vest with black stripes.

"What is it?" The Tin Man asked.

The princess wore heather gray slacks made out of a material that had a texture somewhere between tweed and flannel and an untucked men's style pink blouse. Her dark locks were up in the style she called a pony tail. Violet gems gleamed at her ears.

"It's a present." It was a thin bracelet woven of gray leather strips decorated with a few beads of midnight blue. "I figured that the most famous cop in the O.Z. might want to go undercover at some point. I enchanted it with a cloaking glamour."

Tutor had been impressed with her ingenuity. It never would have occurred to him to link a solid object to a glamour.

Cain cleared his throat awkwardly, "That's thoughtful of you, kiddo."

She ignored that and took his arm and slipped it around his wrist with her cool fingers, "You activate it by pressing the second to the left bead. You turn it off by pressing it again."

"Don't think that giving me a present is going to get you out of your firearms lessons," Cain said gruffly. It would be useful. And wasn't it just like her to think up the perfect gift.

DG rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't dream of it." She kept stride with him as they walked to the firing range. He nodded to various castle personnel and off duty guards. All of whom kept bowing as they saw just who Cain was with.

"How are your fencing lessons going."

"I'm down to getting knocked on my ass only five times a day," DG replied wryly.

Cain laughed.

DG felt her own lips quirk up in response to his all too rare laughter.

The firing range didn't have bull's-eye targets or even the ones shaped like an outline, no here they were full sized body dummies so you'd get a good idea of what was really involved.

DG shuddered at the sight of the faceless manikins. Cain caught the look of dismay.

That he was borderline obsessive on the safety of the Royal Family was not to his mind a bad thing. In fact it helped. He just wished they cooperate more.

The reactions of his proposal that they all learn to fire a weapon was met with many different reactions;

Ahamo already knew how. Cain couldn't bring himself to ask the queen to learn. Henry and Emily had laughed at him; it wasn't necessary for the robotic couple to learn, he was inclined to believe them when Emily held him over her head with his collar pinched between two fingers. And Azkadelia had left the room when he had brought up her learning something that might conceivably be used to hurt another being.

So, DG was going to learn. In fact he had vehemently insisted she learn after he found out that there was a betting pool on what dangerous situation she'd get into next. At first he had been furious at the very idea and had blustered angerly at Ambrose, who with his maddening patience, had pointed out that maybe humor was how the staff kept themselves from banging their heads into walls out of shear frustration.

Now, Cain was down for ten platinums for taken captive by crazed poetry reading munchkins on the second Tuesday of the next month.

On a side table there were a sizable amount of weapons on display. DG blinked at all the hardware. "Do you have the whole armory here?"

Cain ignored that. "Let's start with the basics." He took down a familiar looking weapon. It was identical to his gun. Steel with the circle and star etched into the metal "This is standard Tin Man issue." He handed it to her hilt first.

DG looked at it like it was a viper. She took it from him carefully. "Now what?"

"Now you learn to take it apart, clean it and put it back together," Wyatt grinned at her anxious expression.

It took her a good hour and a half before he was satisfied that she had the procedure down. Next he taught her how to load the gun.

Cain led the princess by the elbow to a range that was already set up with a faux human target.

"Now what you want to do is to get your feet a little farther apart," Wyatt instructed. He repositioned her hands on the gun. "Just cock back the trigger and let 'er rip." He stepped back a few feet prudently, she'd shot her archery instructor in the butt. Personally, Cain didn't want that to happen to him.

DG positioned her gun, the cool steel feeling strange against her skin and slowly pulled the trigger. The gun let off a loud bang startling her, the backlash caused her to stumble back a step. The bullet hit the dummy with a distressingly thud. It didn't help that it started to bleed. Okay, so the blood was orange but, that didn't really make it any better.

Cain took in her wide eyed distress. He gripped her tense shoulder gently, "It's alright, princess." He looked at the target critically. She plugged it in the left shoulder. DG would have to get a steadier grip for a kill shot. "We do it like this so it's not such a big surprise when it's for real."

"I get that it's just…" DG's voice trailed off.

Cain brought up his other hand and cupped her other shoulder. "What you need to do is bend your knees a little more. You're so little the backfire could throw you back a few feet."

DG obligingly bent her knees. Her heart was beating faster but it wasn't from the shock of firing a gun. Cain's hands and the attached arms had traveled around her to cradle her. His large, strong hands now cupped her smaller hands, which held the gun. The long warm length of him flush against her back, she could feel each breath against the back of her throat.

"Now, what you do…is lift the gun and get your target into sight," His breath was warm against her ear. "That's right."

Their joined hands lifted slowly. "Now, squeeze the trigger." The gun fired and DG jerked back into Cain's arms.

She jerked again when his lips grazed her earlobe. "Let's try this again," his voice low.

For a half hour they continued before switching to firing one handed. When the session came to a stop DG was flustered, out of breath and faintly blushing.

Cain was annoying cool, calm and collected.

"Not bad," Wyatt said as DG put the gun down. "We'll try again in a few days."

"Okay," DG said as her thudding heart went to normal.

There were times when she really wondered whether Cain even noticed she was a girl.

----

A contingent of Royal Guardsmen stared as Wyatt Cain poured a bucket of what had to be freezing cold water onto his head.

"Just don't ask," the Tin Man ordered his subordinates.

"Wouldn't dream of it sir," the 2IC said obediently.

With that Cain strode out into the freezing courtyard with the most peculiar expression.

* * *

DG's in trouble—must be Tuesday! 


	13. The Memory Box

"I can't believe it!" DG said with delight. "It's not damaged." It was a handcrafted wooden chest and like DG's motorcycle it had weathered the storm and was mostly undamaged.

"What is it," Azkadelia asked quizzically.

"My Memory Box," it was made of polished wood (made from the Cedars of Lebanon claimed the carpenter) and carved on the lid was an exquisitely carved lighthouse guarding a raging ocean.

"It's beautiful," Az ran a finger over a swelling, frothing wave. "How do you open it?" There was no discernible latch or keyhole to be found.

DG smiled, "It's a puzzle." Carefully she pressed a sequence of waves and the lid popped open. She pushed back the lid. The contents smelled of dried lavender, inside were many of her most prized childhood possessions and memories from earth.

Az peered in, "May I?"

DG nodded, "Knock yourself out."

Az reached in and pulled something largish out that was wrapped in white tissue paper. Inside was a china doll in a pale blue dress with black hair and dark lavender eyes.

It bore a striking and startling resemblance to Azkadelia as a child.

DG shrugged under her sisters penetrating gaze. "Her name's Ariel. I wasn't much into dolls when I was little…but I loved this one." Her voice was low, "I guess I missed you…even if I didn't remember you."

Az pulled her in for an impulsive hug.

DG pulled out a small red stripped box with a red bow. She laughed aloud. "I remember this like you'd remember a dream.

It was a silver bell that reflected that shone in the candlelight like a star. It made a sound like angels heard on high.

Azkadelia reached out and touched the bell with one finger her face was a study in wonder as it pealed out load, happy and triumphant, "There's magic here." She caught a glimpse of snow and hot chocolate. "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see," Az found herself whispering.

DG pulled something that glittered gold out of box. It was a ticket for something called 'The Polar Express,' it had a pattern of punch holes that spelt out 'Faith Manages.' DG could have sworn that she could hear a train in the distance or perhaps it was only the memory of a train.

----

Thus far they'd unearthed a small push lion, a kaleidoscope, three My Little Ponies (Az made fun of her for that), a geode…

Next was a white and red orchid corsage that had shriveled in its plastic container, with a soft smirk Az waved her hand over the withered blossom restoring it to beautiful life.

"Niko gave that too me on the senor prom," DG smiled nostalgically.

Azkadelia scowled at the mention of DG's ex-boyfriend.

"No, you may not castrate him," DG sniffed the revived blossom. "Just because things ended badly with him doesn't mean I don't still have a lot of good memories."

Az huffed. "What's a prom?"

"Big formal end of the school year dance, I wore heels and drank to much raspberry schnapps."

DG pulled out a wooden scarecrow puppet and danced it about. It vaguely reminded her Glitch.

"The Steadfast Tin Soldier by Hans Christian Anderson," Azkadelia read aloud. It was a thin volume that was illustrated by Isaac Mendez.

"It's always been one of my favorite stories," DG said peering over Az's shoulder to look at the artists mad, brilliant illustrations.

"Will you read it to me?" DG asked.

Azkadelia blinked at the request. As a child, even after she could read for herself, DG'd clamber into Az's bed with a book. "I think I can manage that."

A moment latter they were curled up on a pile of plush pillows in front of a merrily crackling fire as Azkadelia read to her little sister in the first time in fifteen annuals.

_There were once five-and-twenty tin soldiers. They were all brothers, born of the same old tin spoon. They shouldered their muskets and looked straight ahead of them, splendid in their uniforms, all red and blue._

* * *

The Polar Express is a totally great Christmas movie. I just re-watched and it crept in…

The saying 'Faith Manages' is from Babylon 5

Excerpt from The Steadfast Tin Soldier by Hans Christian Anderson

Isaac Mendez is the dead future seeing artist guy from Heroes


	14. Pitching Woo

"I'm not actually going to have to marry one of these guys am I?" DG was anxious. You could tell by the way she wrung her hands. DG wasn't a handwringer.

"Oh no," Queen Lurline assured her with a laugh. "We don't foist arranged marriages onto people, darling."

DG sagged in relief.

The entire family including Glitch and Cain were currently in conference in the mostly bronze sitting room.

Azkadelia and Ambrose were playing chess…much to Az's chagrin Glitch was winning—again.

The queen was embroidering and Emily knitting both perched on the same sofa…DG wasn't sure whether to be relieved or worried that her mothers were getting along so well.

Ahamo was idly sketching everyone. Henry was whittling something out of wood, the shavings falling into a large silver soup tureen to avoid getting bits of wood all over the place.

Cain leaned against a wall. They'd already tried and failed to get him to sit down on a chair.

Today, the royal family was discussing the upcoming ambassadorial arrivals. Envoys from the lands of Ev, Ix, and Mo were coming. The official explanation for the visit was so that they could reestablish diplomatic ties with the O.Z. The truth was they were sending their younger sons to court Princess DG of the O.Z.

"Why can't they court Az?" DG wondered plaintively. "She's more of a proper princess then I'll ever be."

Az contemplated moving a rook, "I'm considered damaged goods, Deej. It will be awhile before any kingdom sends any of their sons my why. And that suits me just fine."

"Just…let them down easy," Lurline suggested.

Ahamo traced the curve of his eldest daughter's neck with charcoal, "All you have to do is be polite."

"If any gets fresh…" Henry grinned suddenly.

"You'll chase after them with a pitchfork," DG finished for him.

Ahamo gave his fellow father an interested look, "A pitchfork?"

"When our girl started to date I had to do something to scare the boys," Henry had a decided twinkle in his eye.

Ahamo looked far too intrigued with the idea for DG's peace of mind.

"Just avoid turning any over enthusiastic suitor into a frog, dollface and you'll do fine," Ambrose said. He could totally take Azkadelia's king in four moves.

"Ambrose!" Lurline cried out in protest.

Both princesses looked up at their mother.

"You turned someone into a frog?" DG grinned. "Wait. We can do that…turn people into frogs."

Emily curled one and hooked two, "Yes, you are able to turn people into frogs…"

"No, you may not," continued Lurline.

DG's fears were realized. Mother and Mom had teamed up.

Az just blinked. She couldn't imagine her prim and proper royal mother doing such a thing. She was really impressed.

"Organics," Henry shook his head in exasperation. "All this trouble just to find a mate." He reached out and took Emily's hand. "I'm more grateful than ever that we were made for each other."

Emily beamed at him, "Quite literally."

"Ah geeze," muttered DG. They were programmed for mushy.

"Now before the envoys get her we need to have a little talk…" Lurline began.

DG's eyes widened in panic, "No! I've already had the sex talk! Twice and that was enough."

The silence that preceded this was profound.

Glitch's head jerked up to stare at her.

Emily and Lurline exchanged exasperated glances.

Henry let escape a chuckle. Ahamo to be honest was relieved. The last time he'd attempted to give 'The Talk' it was to a possessed Azkadelia. Talk about awkward.

Cain who had been glaring at a potted plant for some reason throughout the family meeting was now staring at a now pink cheeked DG with an intent expression.

"Why twice?" Az wondered as she lost a knight.

DG shrugged, "They were programmed with embarrass-the-offspring protocols."

"How did you know?" Emily wondered. She and Henry laughed at DG's horrified expression.

"You are too easy," Henry chortled.

"Checkmate!" Glitch called out triumphantly as he took Azkadelia's king.

* * *

The procession was like a grand glittering parade that moved slowly up the road to the defrosted Mountain Palace. Each prospective groom had brought a full entourage of about fifty or so people. This didn't make Cain or the guardsmen in the Royal Protection Detail happy. In fact, Cain had been in a sour mood ever since he'd gotten the news of the royal visitors.

The first suitor in line was Periphetes Tullius Scipio, nephew of the Emperor of Ix. Ix, Ahamo had explained was mostly Greco-Roman with a little Victorian England thrown in. From up in her tower bedroom, DG could see the Ixian soldiers in their little leather kilts and shiny helmets with the bristly red crests.

Next, was Prince Robin of Ev. Ev was what would have happened if the industrial revolution had take place in medieval times. DG had been told not to make fun of their fashion sense. Tights and poofy shorts were currently popular.

Then there was Shang of Mo, Prince of the Blood, third in line for the Chrysanthemum Throne. Mo was very Imperial Japan back when it was still a gated community. He was rumored to be a ninja. DG thought this was kinda cool. Cain was not at all happy with that news and tripled the guard postings.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Az's voice was chiding. She, herself was resplendent in an indigo gown.

DG looked down and scrutinized her own outfit, "I think my pants are fancy enough." Fancy they were. The seamstresses may have been forced to make pants; however, that would not stifle their artistry. Today, her pants were black velvet with gold stitching paired with a red ruffled silk shirt.

Glitch, had been right as it would happen, pants had caught on with the younger female population. The criticism for her scandalous fashion sense was quieting down.

"How's the betting pool?" DG smirked impishly.

Azkadelia tried to look scandalized thought better on it and shrugged, "I'm down five platinums for you being inadvertently responsible for the prince of Ev getting bitten by crazed rabid laboratory bunnyburies.

DG laughed, "Lets get this show on the road."

Az threaded her arm through her sister's, "Lets."

* * *

"Are you sure I can't turn him into a frog?" DG asked her mother. The princess's fists were clenched so hard that the knuckles were beginning to turn white.

DG sat with her family enthroned. The queen and prince consort in the middle with the princesses on either side. At the foot of the dais was a chair for Ambrose and a small sofa for the robo-rents. Raw had opted to sit on the dais stairs themselves.

Cain lurked somewhere just out of sight; but, DG could feel his presence.

The presentation had gone well at first. The three perspective grooms introduced. All were polite, all good looking, and they all looked at her like she was a prize mare that they were contemplating buying.

Prince Robin was a sweet seventeen year old boy with tousled blond hair who looked like he was going to trip over his own feet any minute. He was wearing green tights, with puffy gray shorts and a gray jacket with equally puffy sleeves.

Periphetes Tullius Scipio of Ix and of the long name who wore a red toga with gold edges was handsome enough in a dark beady eyed, sharp beaked kind of way. DG immediately disliked him. He leered at her, at Az, _and_ at Queen Lurline.

Shang was in a heavily embroidered robe. He relatively gorgeous, all golden and leanly muscled, he excluded quiet like a still pool of water.

As diplomatic functions go, the event wasn't too painful. Then came the gift giving; when one travels to a foreign land it is customary to gift your host three times. And considering why the three noblemen were present you could bet they would try to outdo each other.

Shang presented DG with a pygmy albino oliphaunt, (she made a mental note to send the little creature to the Central City Zoo; cute as it was it wasn't a house pet), a dozen seedling for Mo's famous jeweled cherry trees (the blossoms glittered in the sun), and a exquisitely crafted samurai blade forged by the finest sword smith in all of Mo.

Prince Robin stumbled a bit over his presentation; his countries gifts were also quite impressive. A golden harp that sang with a voice of heartbreaking beauty, a small velvet bag of what was purported to be magic beans, and a crystal motorized carriage.

Then came Periphetes Tullius Scipio of Ix swaggered forward.

Raw let out a low menacing growl. The Family and Ambrose all turned startled glances towards the viewer who slowly clambered to his feet. Something was up.

Periphetes's gifts, dressed in white linen and silver chains were three people…three slaves.

DG's blood drained from her face. Two were children, fraternal twins, boy and girl, with dark chocolate skin and startlingly green eyes. The other was a young woman of astonishing beauty. The three of them prostrated themselves before the younger princess.

Periphetes blinked in astonishment at DG's frog comment, "Do you not like my gifts?"

The assembled citizens of the O.Z. gasped in horror at Periphetes gesture. Then they went quiet. Somehow it was an ugly silence.

Periphetes was beginning to feel uncomfortable from all the unquestionably hostile stares directed his way.

DG stood up and skirted around the three…gifts and strode down the dais with an expression of incoming thunder.

After a moment's hesitation, Azkadelia hurried over to the girl and the children, knelt and began to speak to them quietly.

"Periphetes Tullius Scipio of Ix, perhaps you were not aware," Queen Lurline's voice was flat and unyielding. "Slavery is not legal in the O.Z."

The Ixian just new he'd be blamed by his Imperial Uncle for this faux pa. He hadn't wanted to go this uncivilized pit anyway. The princess was comely enough; but, he wanted to wed someone less willful then she was alleged to be. "Your Majesty, I assure you that I had no wish to offend…"

"Furthermore, did you know," continued the queen, "that by Our law, any slave who sets foot on Our soil is free?"

Periphetes all but goggled, "You cannot possibly be serious." What the hells kind of place was this?

"I think you'll find she's totally serious," DG said with a small hard smile.

"He did not know, Your Majesty." A figure dressed in the gray livery of the house of Scipio ambled lazily passed Periphetes's honor guard. "However, I was entirely aware."

"Linus!" sputtered Periphetes in red-faced rage.

The slave (former) was a solidly built man with a steady blue eyes and a head of dark strawberry blond hair. "I knew that this was an opportunity that would never come again." He gave Periphetes a chiding look, "You really shouldn't have given the task of planning this trip to someone who violently dislikes you as much as I do. I couldn't arrange for the freedom of everyone in your household—unfortunately. However, all the slaves I chose for this little excursion have no real ties to Ev."

"The plot doth thicken," Glitch said gaily.

"Who are you?" Ahamo asked gravely his lips quirking up in amused approval.

"Linus Georgeakopoulos, formally this ones body servant." He gave the queen a sweeping bow.

Periphetes turned a poisonous glare in Linus's direction.

"What would you have of us?" Ahamo wondered.

"I would ask that you take us, to grant us sanctuary in your lands. I would that we be free."

Azkadelia had given up on getting the three _gifts_ to come up for air gave Linus a considering and completely understanding look.

"Would you give your oath of featly the O.Z.?" The prince consort asked.

Linus smiled, "Gladly."

"You," hissed Periphetes "are my property.

"With all due respect," Linus returned, "not any more."

"I will drag you back in chains," Periphetes ground out. "Tribune!"

A kilted legionnaire looked at his lord inquiringly.

"Take him!"

Linus backed up as the soldier trotted forward.

"Think again." DG knocked the legionnaire back with a flash of force and light.

Periphetes made a quick motion and his honor guards unsheathed their gladiuses, the double-bladed Ixian short sword.

"I," Periphetes said with a voice rife with outraged self importance, "am leaving this gods forsaken hellshole. "And I'll be taking my property with me."

A moment later and Glitch had gracefully flipped a legionnaire over his shoulder while Raw plowed into another.

Lady Emily stood with a reproving scowl, "Is that any way to behave?" She lightly thumped on unlucky soldier on the head, he slumped down unconsciously.

"You should have let me bring my pitchfork," Henry grumbled to his wife.

Periphetes glared at DG. "This is all your fault!"

DG just smiled sweetly at him.

A moment later he found out why. Abruptly, something cold and hard was pressed against the back of his neck.

"Call off your dogs," Wyatt Cain growled.

Periphetes didn't know much about guns—he did know that they could easily kill him dead.

At a barked order from Cain, the legionnaires were rounded up by grim faced palace guards.

"Linus Georgeakopoulos," called Ahamo, to his credit he didn't stumble over the difficult surname, "we call you up.

Linus nodded his head to a smiling DG and walked up the steps to kneel before the queen. He felt as if he were in a strange dream that he'd wake up from at any moment.

"Here do I swear fealty and service to the O.Z. In peace or war. In living or dying. From this hour henceforth, until my lady release me... or death take me." Linus had never objected to service…he'd just prefer to choose whom he'd serve.

"And I shall not forget it. Nor fail to reward that which is given. Fealty with love, valor with honor, disloyalty with vengeance," Lurline replied. "Rise up, Linus Georgeakopoulos; you now bare both the privileges and responsibilities of a subject and citizen of the O.Z."

Linus stood up with wonder curving up his lips.

"My uncle will not let this stand!" Periphetes all but bellowed.

Ambrose grinned at him, "He will. Between us and any reprisals your uncle might think to send is the Deadly Desert. So, on behalf of the entire O.Z. don't let the door smack you on your ass when you head out."

"Bad rubbish, good riddance," added Raw.

"Sir Wyatt," Ahamo called out.

Cain snapped to attention, "Sir?"

"Will you arrange for our guests to be escorted to the harbors?" Ahamo asked. The most common way to traverse the Deadly Desert was to hire a Sand Ship to take you across.

All three suitors had taken that rout. As it was the least perilous through the ever shifting sands.

Cain smiled and holstered his gun, "Yes, sir." He clamped a hand around the back of Periphetes's neck and he twisted one of the nobleman's arms behind his back and frog marched him out of the hall.

Robin and Shang watched the proceedings in bemusement.

"This is the best diplomatic function I've ever been to!" Robin said with a bounce.

Shang rolled his eyes at his rival's exuberance, "It certainly was not boring."

"There goes bachelor number one," Glitch quipped.

* * *

Prince Robin of Ev collapsed on the picnic blanket with a groan. It wasn't even noon and he was exhausted. He'd been expecting a typical arranged outing that would formal and awkward and preferably chaperoned by a humorless maiden aunt who would only wear black.

Instead, Princess DG had led him on a merry, insane romp through Central City. First, the princess had shown im her motorbike. Robin had held onto her as she sped down the cobblestone-d street. First, they had visited the zoo where DG's oliphaunt was settling in. She'd named the little creature Barbar of all things.

Next, they toured the Museum where the O.Z.'s strange and wonderful history was laid out in elaborate dioramas.

At one point Robin had found himself apologizing to a cabbage salesman for knocking over the man's cart. The poor fellow had all but been in tears. Apparently, every time DG was in town something happened to his cabbages.

The O.Z. was a different kind of place from home. For one thing no real feudal system, they had a working class but no serfs. There were was the nobility but a person could change or improve upon the circumstances of their birth with nothing but hard work and talent.

It was a revelation of the way things could be. Ev wasn't a bad place to live…it just lacked a sense of wonder.

And of coarse there was the Princess. He'd never met anyone like her. DG was…just wonderful. Adventurous, compassionate, funny, were just some of the many adjectives he found that didn't quite do her justice. She was this weird mix of innocent and cynical that sort of grabbed your attention and didn't let go.

And she was pretty.

In all honesty, Robin didn't think he'd like her. He didn't like the majority of girls he was sent to court…but, DG was special. How often did you meet a girl who saved the world?

She may have lacked a dour chaperone but, the Head of Security for the Royal Family was way more intimidating then any maiden aunt. Wyatt Cain was something of an enigma. He was a member of a law enforcement agency called the Tin Men. Robin knew that he was one of DG's companions from her journey; but, he wasn't sure what the exact relationship that existed between them.

DG seemed to save her brightest smiles for him.

"What are they?" Robin wondered. A swarm of glittering insects were forming pictures in the air, everything from childish sketches to stunning murals in the air.

"Fuddles," DG pulled out a bundle wrapped with pink cloth. "Would you like a turkey sandwich or a ham?"

Robin, who had never had a sandwich, looked intrigued. "Ham?" It was good! It never would have occurred to him to put a bunch of things between bread.

They munched in amiable silence. "Did you really grow up on the other side like the T'witches?"

"Yep. Kansas farm girl all the way," DG said cheerfully. "T'witches…oh wait…Apolla and Artemis of Coventry…twin witches. That's clever."

"You're not going to merry me are you?" Robin watched the fuddle's created a dazzling picture of a waterfall.

"Nope," DG concurred.

Robin sat up and put on a semi-wounded expression, "Why not? I'm charming."

DG laughed. "Yes, Robin you're very charming," she ruffled his unruly hair. "I'm just not in love with you."

Robin sighed. He'd known. "Could you tell my parents that I died so I don't have to go back?"

DG's eyebrow rose, "Why would you want that?"

"Because, the next girl on the list of perspective brides is Princess Aura of Mongo! I don't want to be Ming the Merciless's son in law! Do you know why he's called that?" Robin's face was flushed and wild eyed.

"I suppose you telling your parents to shove it…is out of the question?"

"Entirely," Robin replied sourly. "I'm not even all that important politically. I'm the afterthought?"

DG frowned, "Afterthought?"

"You know— the heir and the spare. I'm the third son, the afterthought," surprisingly this was said with resignation untinged by bitterness.

"College," DG ventured.

Robin shook his head, "No good. I'm of the ruling class…what do I need with an education?"

DG snorted at that in amusement. "Wait," a smile of discovery lit her fair features. "In all the stories I've ever read, the third son goes on a journey to find his fortune."

The prince sat up, "Yes! If I went on a quest they couldn't tell me no. It's tradition!" Robin looked around cautiously for Cain before giving DG a smacking kiss on the cheek. "You've saved my life!

* * *

Linus Georgeakopoulos looked around the well appointed office with interest. It was decorated with what Linus, suspected was the traditional fashion of the O.Z. A pleasing merging both form and function. This room was decorated in shades of green and brown with rich leather furniture.

"Ah, there you are?" Princess Azkadelia swept into the room.

"Highness," Linus gave her a half bow. "You wanted to see me?"

Az perched herself on the rosewood desk, "Yes. I was put in charge to seeing to the needs of you and your people."

Linus was surprised. He'd have expected that such a duty would be given to some court factotum— not to the eldest royal daughter.

"What is to be done with us?"

Azkadelia consulted a notebook. "The children were gifted a good family just this morning."

Linus was impressed that was fast work.

"As for the others..." Az continued, "they will be given the education the law required they have before having to face the job market."

The former body servant grinned, "That's great news."

"And now what are we to do with you," Azkadelia gave him a searching glance.

"Me?" Linus twitched under her intent lavender eyes.

"You, Linus Georgeakopoulos, have impressed my mother," Az smiled.

Linus felt a light blush creep over his features. "I have?"

"You orcastrated the freedom of not just yourself but, for many people," Azkadelia bit her lip. He'd impressed her as well. "I can understand your unwavering desire to be free?"

"Not to be rude. But, highness, how could you possibly understand how a slave feels?" Linus asked skeptically.

Azkadelia gave him a sardonic look, "Try being possessed for fifteen annuals by the spirit of an insane witch who used you to destroy everything you hold dear…even to the extent of using you to kill your own little sister."

"Princess DG seems rather spry for a corpse," Linus finally managed. The rumors were true! She probably knew more what if felt like to be powerless then he did.

"She got better," Az's voice was wry. She looked down at her notebook. "It says here that before you were sold into slavery that you were a fully trained archivist."

Linus nodded, "As was my father before me."

Azkadelia nodded in satisfaction. "I have a proposition for you. The Royal Librarian, Professor Woggle, is in need of a new assistant Liberian." She looked at him expectantly.

"That's a generous offer," Linus's voice was cautious.

"The employment package has all the extra perks that come with being in royal service," Az continued. "Medical and dental benefits…combat pay…" she trailed off at his incredulous look.

"Combat pay…for librarians?" He said a hint of a laugh in his voice.

"All that knowledge in one place—bound to be dangerous," Az grinned. She held out one graceful hand. "Do we have a deal?"

Linus nodded and took her hand, "It's a deal."

* * *

Shang of Mo watched DG stand up and rub her dirt covered hands on the knees of her green pants. He noted that they showed off her trim figure exquisitely. She had just finished planted his gift of five jeweled cherry seedlings into a large mostly even circle on top of a small hill.

"Now, concentrate," said the royal tutor in his rich rumbling voice. "And let the light flow through you."

The princess nodded. She closed her impossibly wide blue eyes and extended both hands, fingers flayed out. Her dark hair fluttered in a rising breeze. A wave of light, suns and moon, and stars all mingled together flowed from her person.

Slowly but surly the seedling began to grow. The seedling flourished into shoulder high saplings that danced in the breeze.

DG lowered her hands and the light faded and she just stood their eyes closed and face looking up to the sun.

"Are you alright," the tutor asked.

"Mmm, just fine, Toto," DG reassured him. "It feels like my feet are going to sprout roots and my hairs going to grow leaves."

"Your Highness, it seems has a way with growing thing," Shang murmured.

DG smiled, "I should. I grew up on a farm."

"I'll see you for tomorrow lesson," Tutor said with a wave.

DG nodded. "See you tomorrow, Toto."

The prince and princess walked in silence for a moment.

"Are really a ninja?" DG asked an interested sparkle in her eye.

Shang smiled, "If I were a ninja would I tell you."

He was rewarded by a rich laugh.

----

Shang led DG in a simple beginner's kata. "Have you had any training with blades?" He asked as she pivoted on one heal with the katana he had given her slicing through the air.

"Yes. Glitch has been teaching me to fence."

It took Shang a moment to remember that Glitch was the pet name she had often called Ambrose, the queen's closest advisor. He cast his mind back. Yes, Ambrose had been given much training and was probably a master of some discipline.

"He has taught you well," Shang said at last. "It would not take much for you to become proficient with our dance of blades. Alas, as usual, Master Raidon was correct; the blade is not for you."

DG blinked at him. "Then who is it for? And who's Master Raidon?"

"Master Raidon is he who forged that weapon." Shang pulled something from his robes.

It was a piece of almond brown paper folded into thirds with a red wax seal.

DG put the sword down on the bench next to its sheath. She took the note and broke the seal. Written on it in spidery English was written:

_DG of Gale, I have worked my entire life to create a weapon worthy of legend. At last I have succeeded. I have forged this blade out of steal that fell from a star into the sea; I have forged it with the breath of dragons, and cooled it with snow from the holy mountain. When it was done I knew I had done art._

_A weapon knows its purpose and its place. My Masterpiece has told me its purpose and place in my dreams. Its purpose is to defend life in the hands of a champion. I had hoped its place was with you. But, the spirit I pleaded the gods to endow the sword, has not shown me you face; I see a maiden with eyes like the sea and hair of flame, a patchwork girl. _

_I leave this sword in your guardianship. To keep safe until a friend unknown returns to claim it. _

_Raidon of Mo _

DG thoughtfully pocketed the note. Then she picked up the katana. She certainly wasn't a viewer to pick up the past; however, DG could sense magic and giving a sword a sprite sounded magical.

Oh. DG let out a gasp…she was given a glimpse of something fierce and good and utterly, utterly inexorable.

Shang watched as she carefully sheathed the weapon with rock steady hands. She was wise this princess.

----

They found Raw, reading a book, sitting against a huge beach tree in the courtyard. DG blanched when she saw the book. Philosophy was a subject she knew from experience that Raw could go on about for hours.

There weren't very many subjects that Raw felt the need to expound on with his poor English; philosophy was one subject he made an exception for. On that first journey she had brought up the conundrum that philosophy teachers had tortured students with for centuries, 'If a tree falls in the forest, and nobodies it there to hear it; does it make a sound.' That had been a mistake.

The fearful viewer had latched on to it and had talked for it for hours. Glitch had been amused especially when Cain had pushed Raw into a stream and threatened to shot him if he would not shut up.

"You are reading Tsu Li?" Shang with surprised wonder. Tsu Li was one of his land's most famous thinkers.

"Yes. Raw likes Tsu Li. Even if Tsu Li needs to mature," Raw said thoughtfully.

Shang's face fell, "You think Tsu Li is immature!"

"Does not ask right questions," Raw said rubbing under his beard.

DG sighed. This was going to take _hours._

A few hours later, Shang had finally stopped arguing with Raw. "He has a most remarkable mind…"

DG narrowed her eyes at him, "You sound surprised."

Shang shrugged, "In the past my people would have taken joy in the differences between Mo's peoples. But, now to be different is to be shunned and ostracized.

"Racism is an ugly thing. I'm disappointed that it's over here." DG rubbed her hands together.

"It is indeed," Shang agreed with her.

----

"I could easily love you," Shang said after they had seated themselves into the opera seats.

DG didn't like the Opera on Earth and she wasn't all that impressed with the O.Z.'s version; however, Ahamo had presented her with the tickets so she couldn't very well say no.

"What!" DG blinked.

"You are kind, intelligent and brave." Shang's smile was a little self mocking. "DG, you saved the world, extraordinary does not do you justice."

DG felt a flush creep over her pale cheeks, it wasn't everyday that ridiculously attractive men heaped compliments on her.

"I would try and win your heart—if I thought it was still yours to give," Shang's voice was regretful.

DG's eyes widened. What did that mean?

"But, I would not want you to forget me. So…" At that he kissed her. It was a nice kiss, a very thorough kiss given by someone who knew how to do it correctly.

It just wasn't completely right.

Shang smiled wistfully, "If he does not treasure you as he should—I will make him regret it."

* * *

"Why have you been avoiding me?" DG demanded.

Wyatt Cain sat up straight. It was three in the morning, his off shift, and DG was in his room… In her pajamas.

"What?" Cain. "Do you know what time it is, kiddo?"

DG scowled at him. "Don't change the subject. Ever since the envoys arrived you've been avoiding me! They left three days ago and I still haven't seen you."

"I've been busy. Besides, you wouldn't have wanted me hanging around you and your suitors," Wyatt began. He hated it when she was upset with him.

"I let them court me to be polite! Not because I actually intended to marry any of them," DG was beyond exasperated.

"I know…but I thought…" Cain said weakly.

"You thought wrong," DG folded her arms across her middle and pouted.

Wyatt groaned. He was helpless against her pout.

"Look, I'm sorry…things have just been hectic," Cain said rubbing sleep from his eyes.

A sly smile scuttled across the Tin Man's features.

DG rolled her eyes. He only got that look when he was going to tease her.

"I hear you got friendly with those two princes," Wyatt stretched, a movement that gave the princess a good view of his bare chest.

"Hmmm? Oh. Robin was a nice kid," DG said looking firmly at something over his shoulder.

"And for the record Shang kissed me. Not the other way around."

"What?!" Cain's voice went up an octave. His staff, having a good sense of self preservation, had left that out of their reports.

"Look at the time! I didn't realize it was so late," with that DG bolted from the room.

* * *

Ev, Ix, and Mo were countries in the Oz books.

Oliphaunt is how they spelt elephant in LOTR.

A golden singing harp is one of the treasures that Jack steals from the giant.

Magic beans…see above.

Linus's oath and Lurline's response is adapted from is adapted from the LOTR where Pippin swears service to Denethor, Steward of Gondor.

Yes, the cabbage salesman is from Avatar: the last airbender.

In the land of Oz, the fuddles were anthropomorphic puzzles.

In the Oz books, the Woogle-bug is a very large, very well educated bug.

Raidon is the god of thunder from Mortal Combat.

The patchwork girl is a character in the Oz books…the scarecrow's girlfriend if you're interested.

**Guest Staring:**

Ed Westwick (Chuck from Gossip Girl) as Periphetes Tullius Scipio of Ix.

Lucas Grabeel (Ryan from HSM) as Prince Robin of Ev

Will Yun Lee (Jae Kim on Bionic Women) as Shang of Mo

And…

Sean Astin (Samwise Gamgee) as Linus Georgeakopoulos


	15. Tactical Retreat

"Henry?" Ahamo managed when his heart had stopped thumping over aggressively. "What are you doing?"

The Robo-Rent had grabbed his fellow father and pulled him behind a pillar and had clamped a hand over the Prince Consort's mouth.

"Do you want to go fishing?" Henry asked in a low desperate voice.

Ahamo wondered if the witch's alchemists had damaged his circuits. "Fishing?"

Henry looked around the pillar and scoped out the hallway. "Do you know what time of the cycle it is?"

Ahamo admitted he didn't.

"It's that time of cycle! That's what time it is!" Henry hissed.

Ahamo blinked. _Then_ he got it. He went pale and started to look around with agitated little jerks. "Oh, no! I forgot…I was separated from Lurline and the girls for so long I forgot! How could I forget something like that?!"

Henry shuddered, "And when women spend a lot of time together they coordinate."

A thought occurred to the Prince Consort, "But, your wife's a robot! How can she…?"

"It's a sub-routine that's supposed to emulate the biologic function of an organic female," Henry sighed heavily. "Look, do you want to go fishing or what?"

"I'll get my balloon."

----

Linus Georgeakopoulos, former slave and currant Assistant Royal Liberian looked up in astonishment as Ambrose Regent, Royal Advisor and Duke of Win-Kai and Raw son of Rawl, Ambassador at large for the People who Feel burst through the library doors.

"Do you think she saw us?" Glitch as a note of panic ran up his throat.

Raw shrugged, "Not know. Raw hope not."

"Is something wrong?" Linus asked taking in the sight of a paler then ever Ambrose and a Raw, whose hair fizzed out everywhere.

"We're not hiding if that's what you're thinking," Ambrose snapped.

Raw nodded emphatically, "Raw not scared. Glitch scared, not Raw."

At that Glitch glared at him, "I am not afraid. I'm just cautious…they can be unpredictable in this condition."

"Smell afraid," Raw sniffed.

Linus looked from one to the other with growing trepidation and not a little confusion. "What condition?"

Ambrose waved the confused librarian over. "It's that time of cycle," he said as if conveying the latest warfront news.

The librarian blinked. Crickets chirped.

"Once a cycle a girl gets very grumpy…" Ambrose prompted as if too someone very slow.

"Oh. That." Linus shrugged. "What's so terrifying about a monthly bleeding?"

Ambrose's nonplussed expression was interesting. "What's so terrifying? Do you know what they're like during this time of the month…The Queen and the girls go from being charming ladies to irritable termagants."

"They yell," Raw said this as if it explained everything.

Linus tried and failed to imagine the Royal ladies throwing a temper tantrum. The Queen was everything that could ever be good about royalty personified, Azkadelia tended to go to extremes to keep from reminding people of her possessed self, and DG was possibly the most pleasant tempered person he'd ever met.

Still, he'd concede that the bleeding was highly unpleasant and could make the most even keeled women a mite irrational. But, despite that he didn't see the reason behind the fuss.

"Why aren't you nervous? Whatever happened to male solidarity," Glitch flopped onto a chair.

Linus shrugged, "When I was fifteen I got turned into a girl for three months."

A stunned silence followed.

"Linus was a girl," said Raw flatly.

"A devotee of the God of War pissed off a priestess of the Virgin Goddess and she decided to teach him a lesson; but, he was wearing a protection charm and it bounced off of him and hit the nearest unlucky bystander," Linus paused for breath.

"For three months?" Ambrose wondered.

Linus shrugged, "Once I got over feeling emasculated, it wasn't so bad. The priestess was horrified that she'd gotten the wrong guy so she petitioned the head of the order and I got to stay in the temple for the duration." The librarian laughed, "I'm the only man in the history of the worlds that's listed as an honorary lay minister of the Virgin Goddess."

Raw looked at Ambrose. Ambrose looked at Raw. Then both looked at Linus.

Their identical stares were worrying.

"Does Linus understand females?" Raw just had to know.

Linus shelved a book, "I have a little insight."

Ambrose rubbed his hands together with glee, "Linus, my boy, do we ever have a lot to talk about!"

----

"That time already?" Jeb smiled as his father scowled and growled lowly.

Tin Man Wyatt Cain and Captain Jeb Cain walked down the muddy lanes that separated the barracks at the Thunder Mountain Training Camp. Around them soldiers in red and trainees in tan marched in formation, ran laps, and preformed various tasks.

A group of soldiers running in formation were singing something painfully familiar in cadence:

_**Ding-dong the witch is dead  
Which old witch? The wicked witch  
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead  
Wake up you sleepyhead  
Rub your eyes, get out of bed  
Wake up the wicked witch is dead  
She's gone where the goblins go  
Below - below – below**_

_**Sound off!**_

_**One-Two**_

_**Three-Four**_

Jeb laughed at his father's expression. "It's become very popular."

Cain absolutely hated that poem. He'd gotten it stuck in his head the day that damn poet munchkin had read in on Purple Pumpkin Day. If he ever caught up with that little man…

"Jody, got accepted into the nursing school she applied for," Jeb mentioned.

Wyatt smiled. Jody was Jeb's longtime sweetheart. The lawman approved of his son's taste in women. The girl's sweet nature was a good balance for Jeb's broodiness. 'Must be genetic,' quipped the Glitch in Cain's mind. 'Shut up', Cain mentally grumbled.

"She got two scholarships," Jeb went on. "The Royal Medical Scholarship _and _she's the first ever recipient of the 'Adora Cain Memorial Scholarship.'"

Cain shrugged uncomfortably. He'd been surprised to say the least when DG had tentatively asked his permission to use her name. It touched him that DG would want to honor someone she had never met.

Jeb rolled his eyes. Obviously, he wasn't going to get an explanation for that one. It seemed that whenever the subject of Princess DG or something she had done came up his father had two reactions: to go on and on and on for hours about how crazy she made him or he'd clam up.

"Is her time really that bad?" Jeb asked suddenly interested. He found Jody pretty scary when hers came up.

It was one of his policies during his campaign as leader of the resistance to just sorta lob the women, during that time of the cycle, at the Longcoats. He almost felt sorry for them once a month…almost.

"She turned a visiting Quadling emissary into a newt," Cain said calmly.

Jeb blinked, "A newt." Gods how he hoped Jody didn't have a hidden talent for magic.

"Not that I'm afraid of her," Wyatt said quickly.

Jeb nodded in understanding. "Of course not. A tactical retreat," he said soothingly.

* * *

Cycle month…I've decided it makes more sense. 

There was gender switching magic in the Oz books. No, really.


	16. You Are Cordially Invited

"The Royal Family wants to pay for our wedding?" Jeb was a little light headed. He hadn't felt that way since after the 'Battle for the Eclipse' where he had walked around in a daze for weeks.

Cain sipped his coffee; strong, black with lots of sugar, just how he liked it. "I couldn't talk them out of it." He nearly laughed aloud at the blush working up Jeb's cheeks.

Jody Westwind, Jeb's fiancée held up a hand, "Let me see if I got this. The Royal Family wants to pay for all our wedding expenses; they'd let us have the wedding at the Summer Palace _and_ the Queen herself wants to perform the service?"

Wyatt nodded at his future daughter-in-law. "They're probably going to give ridiculous expensive wedding presents too."

"We can't possibly accept," Jeb finally managed. It was all too much…and to think he thought the awards ceremony was bad.

"Jeb sweetie," Jody said firmly to catch his attention. "Shut up."

Jeb's mouth fell open a little.

"When the Royal Family wants to do something nice for you, you let them!" Jody looked from Jeb to his father, "Tell them that we're honored at their attention." Jody was a small woman with pale skin and a main of roan red hair.

And to Cain's great amusement she wore pants.

"I suppose I don't have a voice in this?" Jeb said plaintively.

Jody shook her head, "Nope."

The captain sighed. It was all a conspiracy to get him into his dress uniform.

Cain hid a smile. All of Jeb's experience as a leader aside he was still a remarkably shy boy.

"Is Finaqua really as beautiful as they say?" Jody wondered.

"No, even prettier," Cain confided. The memory of the dry old husk of a forest melting into a verdant green dreamland and a lake like a piece of sky would always be with him.

Jody patted Jeb's hand, "Just nod and smile." Her smile grew mischievous, "Besides, it's not as if you had a lot of say in the wedding preparations anyway."

Jeb sighed, and then smiled deep into his intended's eyes. "Well, I guess the important thing is you'll be standing up there with me."

----

"Father," Jeb said in nervous greeting.

"'lo son," Cain replied as he curried his white horse. As when Jeb was a boy, Wyatt just waited patiently for whatever he wanted to say.

Jeb wordlessly pulled a small suede pouch out his pocket and emptied the contents onto his palm. It was a small gold ring. To be specific it was Adora Cain's wedding ring.

Wyatt sighed and put down the currycomb. The old sorrow rose up in his chest. It was better…he could focus on the happy memory of her and not the nightmare that he'd seen played over and over in that iron tomb these days.

"I was wondering if…" Jeb trailed off anxiously, "If I could give it to Jody?"

Wyatt pulled a surprised Jeb into a tight hug and pulled away just a quickly. The boy was still skittish when it came to paternal affection. "That would be fine, son. Just fine."

Jeb smiled.

"Although, you might want a matching set," Cain twisted his wedding ring thoughtfully. Then with a one swift smooth motion took it off. He regarded it with a feeling of bittersweet memory.

The Tin Man took his son's hand and pressed it into his hand.

"Father…Dad, I can't accept this," Jeb's eyes widened and he felt something warm and expand in his chest.

A smile quirked up the side of Cain's mouth, "It's just time. Think of it as an early wedding present.

* * *

Finaqua was every bit as breathtaking as it was said to be. The trees and the water seemed like a painting come to life.

Jeb, Jody and Jody's elderly aunt May, her last living relative stood looking around the foyer of the Summer Palace. The Palace was all clean lines and rich jewel tones and servants in bright livery who bustled about efficiently.

Jody found it was hard not to feel intimidated. For a girl who had spent the majority of her life on the run from men in long leather coats, this was very, very surreal.

"Oh, good you're here," It was Ambrose who ambled down the stairs holding what looked a glass ball full of lightning.

"Your grace," Jeb said politely.

Glitch rolled his eyes, "Unless you're having trouble with the pronunciations, try calling me Ambrose. If you're good, I might even let you call me Glitch."

"Where's my father?" Jeb asked.

Ambrose tossed the lightning ball up and caught it, "Following DG around like a big dangerous puppy."

Jody couldn't help it. She laughed. And Aunt May who had been rendered unusually quiet by the surrounding opulence broke into a smile.

Jeb frowned.

"Something about exploring the ruins of some old stronghold a few miles to the north," Glitch said. "They won't be back for a while."

"I'll just get our things to wherever we're staying," Jeb said with a nod.

"Too late for that, your bags will have already been taken to the guest rooms." Ambrose said dismissively. He caught sight of Jody and Aunt May and smiled his most charming. "Are you going to intrados me?"

Jeb nodded stiffly, "This is my fiancée Jody Westwind and her aunt Maybelle.

Glitch sauntered over and gallantly kissed their hands.

"Hello," Jody managed as a blush graced her freckled cheeks.

"Aren't you the charmer?" giggled May.

Ambrose smiled urbanely, "I do try." He adjusted what looked like a small row of toggles on the side of the ball and the electricity inside turned blue. "Say, Jeb why don't you hold this? I need as many different bio readings as I can get."

Jeb found himself saying, 'Yes, sir." As he took the glowing thing in hand he could here his father's urgent voice, "If the zipperhead asks you for help with an experiment or even to hold one of his contraptions…for the sake of all the gods say no!" And as his hair stood up straight all over his head he knew he should have listened.

----

"Usually, it goes for about four-five minutes," Princess DG confided to a perplexed Jody as Princess Azkadelia ranted. The seamstress had made the mistake of suggesting a corset.

Jody and May found themselves in the fitting room with both princesses. To say that either was what they'd expected was putting it lightly. They were given Champaign and chocolate cover strawberries and a multitude of sumptuous fabrics to choose from.

First, Azkadelia; it was a shock to find out that the elder princess was not the tyrant that held the O.Z. in thrall. That she had been the victim of the spirit of a witch had staggered the population. It was also, something of a relief. One of the most dependable traits of the House of Gale was the ruling families…goodness for lack of a better word. That a Gale could go bad was not a happy thought.

Jody's first impression Azkadelia was a shy sweetness and regal poise. There was a depth of pain to her dark lavender eyes.

Even without someone else's in the driver's seat, she could be pretty scary, "And whatever sick women-hating bustard that first thought up the lung squeezing sadistic things should have been publicly flogged!"

Jody's eyes widowed as Azkadelia went on with this vein.

"She's usually not like this," DG confided.

Then there was Princess DG, savior of the O.Z; the princess who died and came back as a gutsy farm girl. She was adventurous, kind and funny with an outlook on life that was one part innocent wonder and one part low key cynicism. It was as if she couldn't believe that this was her life.

"Why does she hate corsets so much?" Jody wondered.

"The witch made her wear them everyday for twelve annuals," DG replied.

Jody did the math, "But, didn't the witch take her over for fifteen annuals?"

DG nodded, "Yeah. But, Az had to grow boobs first."

"Uhmm…" Jody said. The younger princess's penchant for saying the most outrageous things was not exaggerated in the least.

She looked down at her own chest, "I'm still waiting."

Jody giggled.

----

"I already have a formal suit," Cain grumbled as a tailor fussed over a bolt of something black with a dark blue sheen.

"Wore it to ceremony," Raw said.

The Tin Man scowled. The viewer seemed to be enjoying his discomfort to an indecorous degree.

"If I have to get fitted for a new dress uniform, you have to get fitted for a new suit," Jeb grumbled.

Cain ignored his traitorous offspring and turned his scowl to Glitch. "What are you laughing at?"

Ambrose gave his best innocent look, "Nothing at all. Although, Sir Wyatt one wonders why someone who's so vehemently opposed to getting dressed up is here."

There was a long silence.

Wyatt Cain wore a rueful expression that generally indicated something to do with DG.

"Oh," Glitch smile went wide and toothy.

Raw laughed.

Jeb craned his head as best he could in the uncomfortable collar, "What?"

"Nothing," the two other men chorused.

Cain looked away from his son's searching gaze.

----

"Maybe this," Az held a swash of silvery blue gray in front of aunt May. She turned her head and critically looked over the effect.

"So, do you want a bachelorette party or wedding shower?" DG asked the bride to be.

Jody raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Pre-wedding calibration that takes place on the night before," DG explained.

"What's the difference?"

"At a wedding shower it's mostly presents and cake and at a bachelorette party you get drunk and very pretty men strip down to their underwear and dance around," DG explained cheerfully.

Az let out a strangled squeak. And May gave her a disapproving tisk.

As for Jody, she blushed bright red. What kind of place was the Other Side? Jody bit her lip, "The shower thing…Jeb wouldn't like the other one." The former resistance leader had jealously issues. "I don't think that Mr. Cain would like it either…"she ventured.

Azkadelia snorted, "That's putting it lightly."

----

"Naked dancing pretty boys?" Cain's voice was strained. DG could see his cheek twitching.

She shrugged, "It's a custom."

What had her Nurture Units done…let her run wild?

Cain's scowl grew. "It's not going to happen," he said flatly.

DG rolled her eyes, "Jody opted for cake so you don't have to pat down some poor stripper."

She flounced off before he could say anything else. He stared at her retreating back with an expression like thunder.

* * *

Maybelle Westwind was sure she was having an out of body experience. It was the only logical explanation; dinner with the Royal Family. Here she was talking about governmental educational policy to Queen Lurline, at last to the throne restored and Lady Emily, one of the first A.I.'s to be risen to the nobility. Also, it was an unheard of opportunity for a teacher to get the chance to influence actual policy.

She could hear snatches of other conversations. Prince Consort Ahamo and Lord Henry( all me Hank)conferring with that charming Ambrose about the upcoming harvest in Gillikin Country with occasional comments from that nice viewer.

Jody was talk to the princesses about her experiences at the nursing academy. Goodness, if that girl's hands were tied down she'd be mute.

Jeb was talking to his father about the latest military news…apparently; there was word of a group of disgruntled Longcoats terrorizing a few villages in the east.

Every few minutes he'd smile goofily at Jody who'd smile sweetly back. Ah, young love.

Cain would glance over at Princess DG and scowl and the princess would make a face.

Interesting; the Tin Man and the Princess didn't have subtext so much as large libraries full of…text.

This wedding would be something special. Maybelle knew it.

----

In the three days to the wedding and the Summer Palace was embroiled in what Glitch called 'Controlled Chaos.' Presumably, the wedding planner knew what she was doing; everybody else just seemed to be in a state of confusion.

The night before the wedding the ladies had what Princess DG called a wedding shower. There were three kinds of cake, champaign with a multitude of rainbow bubbles and presents.

Jody all in all found it a pleasant custom. Aunt May gave her a cameo that had been her mothers. From the Queen there camea gleaming silver tea service. Lady Emily gave her a whole made quilt with a 'double wedding ring' pattern. Princess Azkadelia gave her a pair of diamond earrings cunningly wrought in the shape of pansies.

And then there was Princess DG who somehow thought it appropriate to gift her with a dozen nightgowns. Lacy, silky, translucent nightgowns, that fell to the floor or hit just above her thigh. Apparently, this was a tradition gift to a bride from a friend on the Other Side.

Jody politely thanked the suddenly anxious royal. They were kindly meant and very pretty. She just wouldn't tell Jeb where she got them…he was awkward enough around the younger princess.

"Too bad about those dancing boys," Aunt May said after one to many glass of champaign to everyone's considerable amusement.

Jeb found himself packed into an overfull (himself, his father, Ambrose, and Lord Henry…Raw who disliked heights opted not to go) balloon for a fishing trip. His father, the Prince Consort and Lord Henry all felt the need to give him copious amounts of advice about women and marriage. Glitch made sardonic comments about all the fish they _didn't_ catch.

* * *

The morning of the wedding dawned clear but with a touch of clouds on the horizon that made the wedding planner have hysterics until Azkadelia pointed out she could just put a magic bubble over the festivities.

It took exactly until four o'clock for the staff to finish putting on the finishing touches.

"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue," DG recited.

Judy blinked at her, "Another Other Side wedding custom?"

DG nodded, ignoring the head dressers complaints. "It's for luck."

"There's my mother's cameo…that's old," Jody said thoughtfully. Every marriage could use a little extra luck.

"If you wear the earrings I gave you that could be something new," Az said from Jody's other side.

DG smiled, "Your bouquet has blue irises in it."

"And would this do for something borrowed?" Queen Lurline who had breezed in to check on the girls held out a slender bracelet of gold linked flowers. "It was a fifth wedding anniversary present."

Jody smiling at the Queen, she had found that she actually _liked _her ruler. How many people could say that? Lurline was simply a lovely person. "Thank you."

----

Jeb glared at his father. "But, I don't want to wear my medals." Usually, they were kept in a small box in his sock drawer.

"Tough," Wyatt Cain pinned the third shiny little metal trinket to the front of Jeb's red dress uniform.

"Officers of the Crown are required by regulation and custom to wear all awards given to them by the Crown when present at a formal event hosted by the Crown," Glitch said helpfully.

Jeb transferred his glare from Cain to the royal advisor, "How do you know that? Why do you know that?"

"Don't ask him questions like that," Wyatt warned. "He might just answer you."

"I'm not that bad," Ambrose replied as he preened.

"Are too." Grumbled Raw as he slid into the room. "Glitch goes on and on and on."

Glitch looked over the viewer's distinctly peeved expression, "What's got your fur in knots fella?"

"Hair dressers. Raw does not like ribbons. Raw male. Hair dressers do not listen," Raw huffed.

"I'm getting married," Jeb's eyes held a blank stare. Suddenly, getting married was very real.

Raw glanced over to the groom, "Jeb panicking."

Cain rolled his eyes, "I was wondering when it set in." He patted Jeb on the shoulder. "Don't worry son. This is a wedding—not a battle."

----

"Remember, a wedding is like a battle." The wedding planner surveyed the bride and the princesses like a sergeant looking over a squad of solders and labeling them, 'barely adequate.' "You must plan ahead of for every disaster." She nodded briskly to Jody and curtsied stiffly to the princesses before marching out of the dressing room.

"Is it wrong that I'm a little afraid of that woman?" Az wondered.

Jody had never had any real girl friends growing up. In truth she had never felt the loss. But, now she wondered at the bond she felt with the royal scions.

"How do I look?" Jody asked shyly.

"Perfect, like summer in bloom," Azkadelia pronounced with certainty ringing in every word."

"Jeb is going to swallow his tongue!" DG said with enthusiasm.

The three girls hugged.

* * *

Wyatt Cain and Ambrose Regent waited at the end of the stairs.

"So, you're escorting DG." Glitch gave his friend a sly smile, "Again."

Strangely, it seemed that the Tin Man escorted the younger princess to most formal functions; three out of four if you wanted the specifics. Or maybe not so strangely if you knew Cain. He claimed that he didn't trust the majority of courtiers that tended to circle DG like ravenous Papay.

Sometimes it just paid to ignore Ambrose. The headcase saw too much of everything and would comment on it at length if encouraged.

Glitch resplendent in a formal dark green suit with gold epaulets snickered into one gloved hand.

Azkadelia came down gliding down the steps first. The elder princess wore a modest misty blue-violet gown that glittered with crystal beading and her long silky black hair fell down her back like a dark waterfall.

Glitch let out an appreciative whistle.

Az blushed, "You clean up quite well too, your grace."

"Highness," Cain bowed politely at her from the waist.

"Mr. Cain," she acknowledged him with a gracious nod. "You might want to brace yourself."

The Tin Man blinked at her, "What…"

Whatever he was going to say died a sudden death. DG was descending the stairs.

The princess was simply radiant.

DG stopped in front of him. Ice blue eyes caught morning glory and the two regarded each other with an almost frightening intensity.

Wyatt Cain was without his hat allowing the sun to light up his short white-blond hair. He wore a pair of dark trousers and a white linen shirt with a slate blue vest.

The princess wore a deceptively simple ivory dress that pushed off her creamy shoulders with red flowers…poppies maybe…embroidered in the skirt.

"Hi," DG said softly.

Wyatt bowed, "Hello." A pause. "You look…nice." He kicked himself mentally. 'Was 'nice' really the best I can do,' he wondered.

Her lips quirked up in a smile, "So do you."

"Uh, guys…" Ambrose waved a hand between them, "We've got to go. Guys!"

----

The field the wedding was held in was full of the former resistance and representatives from the Royal Army and their families sat in a in a half circle around the small platform.

Cain and DG followed Azkadelia and Ambrose to where Ahamo, the Gales, Raw and Aunt May all sat together where they would get the best view.

* * *

A sheer silk chuppa-like awning fluttered in the wind as Queen Lurline mounted the steps and turned to face the expectant crowd. She wore a plain lavender-gray gown.

From opposite ends entered the bride and groom.

Jeb, handsome and a bit forbidding in the formal dress uniform were it not for his sparkling eyes and tremulous smile.

The bride wore green. In the color of the newly born spring and a garland of white starflowers, Jody looked like a stray wood nymph. They met at the dais to the melody sound of a single harp.

Hand in hand they mounted the steps to face the Queen.

Naturally, it was at that exact moment it began to rain. Azkadelia rolled her eyes at the sudden anguished howling of the wedding planner. She made an airy gesture and with a shimmer of silver-gold light an iridescent bubble formed over the wedding party.

Jeb and Jody didn't notice.

Queen Lurline spoke aloud (at last getting the couple's attention, "We are gathered today to witness and to celebrate the drawing together of two separate lives."

"Jebediah Cain, do you come here to be joined to this woman of your choosing without reservation?"

"I do so come," Jeb said firmly.

"Jody Westwind, do you come here to be joined to this man of your choosing without reservation?"

"I do so come," Jody replied.

Lurline smiled, "Then pledge your troth one to another."

"I am your husband from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to be yours faithfully, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond; a commitment made in love, kept in faith, and eternally made new," recited Jeb who wondered at not forgetting his lines.

Jody smiled sweetly into Jeb's eyes, " I take am your wife from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to be yours faithfully, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond; a commitment made in love, kept in faith, and eternally made new."

"Do you come with an outward sign of your bond?" Queen Lurline asked.

"Yes," Jeb and Jody replied. With infinite tenderness Jeb placed his mother's ring on his bride's finger. Jody shook with happiness as she slipped his father's ring onto his finger.

The Queen then recited:

_Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other._

_Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other._

_Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other._

_Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you._

_May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years._

_May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long_

_upon the earth._

"By my authority as Queen of the O.Z., Head of the House of Gale, Heir of Ozma; I bind you together as husband and wife!"

Jeb and Jody kissed as the crowd roared in happy approval.

* * *

The rain pounded against the seemingly delicate bubble that protected the wedding party and the sound of it mingled with the music.

"You did good son," Cain smiled. "For a minute I thought you might pass out."

Jeb rolled his eyes. "Dad," he pleaded, "not in front of the troops." He was saved from further potential paternal embarrassment by Jody who grabbed him by the arm.

_You're in my arms_

_And all the world is gone_

"We're dancing," she said simply.

"We are?" Jeb said as she dragged him off to the dance floor.

Cain chuckled, "Never argue when a women wants to dance."

_And when I'm with you_

_So close to feeling alive_

Hank spun Emily about. "Do you ever wish we did it that way?"

Emily giggled, "By that way do you mean the clumsy way organics seem to stumble around in the dark for so long? Look at DG…I swear her love life's moving as fast as a glacial thaw."

"Not that; the stumbling around. I mean getting courted and having a wedding." Henry sighed, "You deserve all those things. I'm not just saying that because I'm programmed to love you."

Emily kissed his cheek. "Programming or not our sparks were meant for each other."

"You sound so certain," Hank murmured.

Emily sighed as he pulled her tighter into his arms, "Have a little faith, hon."

_A life goes by_

_Romantic dreams must die_

_So I bid mine goodbye_

_And never knew _

"Where's Azkadelia? Ahamo asked Glitch who was studiously contemplating cake.

Ambrose looked up startled, "I don't know." He scanned the surroundings. "Think she's ducked out of another party."

Ahamo rubbed the space between his eyes wearily. "She was doing so much better with crowds."

"Don't worry," DG piped up. She hugged her father and smiled. "Az is taking some cake to Linus."

"The librarian?" Ahamo wondered.

The princess smiled mischievously at her father, "She hasn't said anything but, I think Az has a crush."

The Prince Consort's expression was a picture.

Glitch caught sight of said picture and looked around widely, "Hey, Maybelle! My date ditched me to go check out a book. Wanna dance? I've got rhythm…" with that he bounded off.

Ambrose stared at the Ambrose shaped hole in the air. What was his problem?

He turned back to see his younger daughter be led to the dance floor by a Tin Man.

Ahamo contemplated this development. "At least the librarian is close to Az's age."

"Is your dance card full?" purred Lurline into her husband's ear.

Ahamo smiled, "Oh, I think I can fit you in.

_So close to reaching_

_That famous happy ending_

_Almost believing_

_This one's not pretending_

_Now you're beside me_

_And look how far we've come_

_So far_

_We are_

_So close_

"The guys are never going to let me live this down," grumbled Jeb.

Jody laughed, "The guys."

"Yeah, my subordinates and my superiors are gonna give me the hells for having a royal spectacle for a wedding," Jeb explained.

"Jeb, forget what the _guys _say. They're just jealous. Besides, think of the story we'll get to tell our grandchildren," Jody said soothingly.

Something caught her eye. "Oh. Look!"

Jeb looked. It was his father. And he was dancing with the younger princess. Jeb swallowed uncomfortably. "So."

"They make such a cute couple," Jody sighed happily.

"What?!" Jeb yelped.

Jody shook her head, "Sometime I could swear that you're blind.

_Oh, how could I face the faceless days_

_If I should lose you now?_

Wyatt and DG spun in lazy circles around the dance floor. Anyone who saw them would assume that they were lost in a dream.

_We're so close to reaching_

_That famous happy ending_

_Almost believing_

_This was not pretend_

_Let's go on dreaming_

_Though we know we are_

_So close_

_So close, and still_

_So far _

* * *

I got a bunch of wedding stuff at the 'My Wedding Vows' site.

Excerpt from an Apache Blessing.

Yes, the song 'So Close' is from the Enchanted soundtrack…Don't laugh at me! And yes I know that's a little song ficcie at the end…there needed to be music…okay.

The concept of A.I. having a soul called a spark is from the Transformers.


	17. More than the Sum of our Programming

Emily Gale came online, her CPU booted up with a faint whirl. She sat up in the large bed she shared with her husband and regarded the twin sunrise with a sleepy smile.

"Henry…" she prodded a gently snoring Hank with one finger.

His eyes blinked open, "Morning, darlin."

"Good morning, yourself," she pecked him lightly on the cheek. She slid out of the bed wondering at the difference between their suite at the palace and the bedroom at the old farmhouse.

With a groan Henry pulled himself out of the bed, "I'm getting older."

Emily smiled, "No your not. We our fifteen years old; it's just the arthritis subroutine. If you don't like it switch it off."

Hank stared at her. Not once in all their years online had she ever been in this kind of discomfort. "You can turn it off?"

"I figured it out the second year on the Other Side," Emily laughed at his faintly offended expression. "I thought you knew."

"No, I didn't. Hey, if you could turn off that subroutine, why couldn't you turn off your cycles?" he demanded.

Emily snorted, "If only it was that easy… it's wired into all my female protocols."

"Huh," was Henry's unimpressed snort.

It didn't take them long to get dressed (Emily in a sage green dress and Hank in pinstriped overalls of all things), and to attend to daily maintenance on their servers.

They walked hand in hand down the corridor before spitting up for their separate tasks.

----

"Morning, Momster," DG chirped as she plopped into a chair.

Emily smiled, "Good morning, DG." She smiled warmly at Azkadelia who sat down next to her sister rubbing sleepy eyes. "Good morning, Az."

"Lady Emily, good morning." Azkadelia nodded politely at her sister's nurture unit.

Emily sighed. The elder princess had an unfortunate tendency to be overly formal and after a while Emily had just trying to get her to call her mom or momster like her sister.

The nurture unit fixed both princesses a full plate and pushed the plates in front of them.

DG for all her skinniness ate like a starved horse; her metabolism was off the charts. It was Az that worried her. Azkadelia's appetite came and went in bursts.

DG hid a grin as Az surveyed her plate with dismay.

"You're going to sit here and look at me till I eat everything, aren't you?" Azkadelia said ruefully.

Emily nodded cheerfully, "The queen and I talked at great length with the family physician. It seems that you need to gain at least six pounds."

"Yeah, Az. You gotta take one for the team and jump on that uneaten cheese cake," DG said seriously before breaking down into giggles.

Azkadelia rolled her eyes and with great reluctance dug into her eggs.

----

Wyatt Cain glowered at Glitch who was prancing about with a manic grin.

"Do you think she'll like it?" It was a motorcycle of Ambrose's own design—read twice as fast as the original and it could run up walls. It was streamlined and a dark metallic blue with a white and silver wing design on the helmet and the sides.

DG was going to love it.

Cain on the other hand looked at it with loathing. He could feel his blood pressure rising.

Ambrose laughed, "Didn't anybody ever tell you not to make faces, it could conceivably freeze like that, ya know."

The Tin Man didn't answer he just sort of growled.

"Oh, don't worry she's not going to get away from you," with a flourish Glitch pulled away a heavy tarp. "Tada!" it was another bike. It was big, black and menacing. "I thought you might want to chase her down."

Wyatt grinned disturbingly at the bike.

Hank Gale shook his head at the exchange. As if Cain would ever let DG get to far away from his obsessively protective reach. He wandered off. Boys would be boys.

He found Raw in the solarium apparently earnestly talking to a miniature pear tree.

"Raw?" The farmer asked hesitantly.

Raw looked up and smiled, "Raw not crazy. Just sending message to father."

Henry blinked, "Your people can send messages through trees?"

The viewer nodded.

"I'll leave you too it then." Send messages through trees...didn't that beat all.

----

_Fifteen years ago the Queen came to Milltown. Father Drou knew who she was of course though she didn't identify herself as such. She came with a small girl with bright blue eyes; a princess who was said to be dead. The robotic priest had thought it strange that, when he had heard of the funeral, that she was not entombed in the family mausoleum._

_There was something desperate and afraid about those lavender eyes as she commissioned a pair of nurture units. Nurture units with very specific programming. Lurline wanted them modeled on Lady Emily and Lord Henry, Queen Dorothy's very own beloved aunt and uncle; she even had primitive psyche-recordings along with a data cube with all available information on the revered couple._

_Drou took his rulers commission with a heavy heart. Something was desperately wrong in the O.Z. His analytical processors ran the probabilities for the queen sending the younger princess away for the nurture units to raise. 96.5. Slag. _

Tutor glanced up and regarded the four people conferring in the garden; Queen and consort and robot farmer and wife talking about the children low animated tones.

The shapeshifter shook his head. He knew why Lurline had chosen to have the robo-rents (sometimes DG had a disturbing way with words) made to those specific guises. The original Emily and Henry had done a fantastic job raising Dorothy. He remembered being vaguely troubled by the idea of making copies of them. After all he had known the originals.

And that was the crux of the matter. He had known the originals. And if Toto didn't know better and didn't smell better he would say that these two were in fact Henry and Emily Gale. It was uncanny. Drou was good…just not this good. The robotic bodies were good likeness…but, it was the solid, down to earth characters of the two that he shouldn't have been able to duplicate so precisely.

And just occasionally, they would know things that only the originals could possibly know. Like what the O.Z. was like back when Dorothy was crowned queen. It just wasn't canny.

_Father Drou looked at the two fully functional and programmed robots with satisfaction. They would be subject to all the pain and pleasure of life as an organic knows it as well as the superior mental capacity and strength of a mechloid lifeform. Also, the personality programs had been hard wired into their positronic brain had settled in nicely._

_Only one more thing was missing. A 'spark' to make cold metal live. With great reverence the old priest took the Sacred Cube from his safe it was a almost ordinary looking box made from some exotic metal that gleamed darkly in the light of Drou's workshop._

_He raised it over his head. "When a Spark goes online, there is great joy. When one is extinguished, the universe weeps. Primus, grant that these shells be given the spark of life so that they might truly live," He paused, troubled, in his prayer. "The queen, great one, carries with her a great sadness. I fear for the O.Z. and all that lives with it. The only hope I can see in the future is in the eyes of that small girl. The sparks that would guard and nurture hers must be truly exceptional."_

_The box shuddered. And nothing happened._

_Then the ambient temperature in the room dropped a few degrees._

_Drou turned around. Two translucent figures stood before them. They were physical doubles for the two 'bots that lay prone worktables._

_This was the O.Z. so; ghosts were a perfectly logical place for an A.I. processor to go._

_The spirit of Emily Gale smiled sadly at him, "Our Dorothy's family is in trouble isn't it?"_

"_I fear so my lady," replied the suddenly flustered priest._

"_We were called to help," the spirit of Henry Gale said. _

_The two spirits rose in the air and lost physical form, becoming a glowing mist that entered the Sacred Cube and came out the other side two blazing sparks that flew into the chests of the nurture unit._

"_Dear Primus," Father Drou whispered in awe._

----

"Hey, there pretty lady," Hank pulled a blushing Emily into his arms.

She smiled at him, "Hello, love."

"Get back here!" A fuming Cain was chasing down a giggling DG.

Emily leaned back against her husband with a sigh, "DG stole his hat again, didn't she?"

Henry laughed, "Where did we go wrong to raise a hat stealing bandit?"

"Who says we went wrong. If ever a man needed to get his hat stolen…" Emily kissed him soundly. "I think we raised our girl just right."

* * *

In another universe Dr. Noonian Soong created the positronic brain for his son Data who would later go on to be a Starfleet Science Officer.

Primus, the Matrix and the concept of the Spark belong to the Transformers. And yes, the Sacred Cube is based a little on the Allspark.

Slag is a common curse word from Transformers.

When a Spark goes online, there is great joy. When one is extinguished, the universe weeps. "

—Rhinox from Beast Wars being all mystical.

Dear Readers, could you please review my 'Crossing the Rainbow' fic? I promise my second chapter isn't at all as fluffy as the first. In chapter two the first slipper, Dorothy Gale meets the First Doctor. My upcoming crossing fic involves a the crew of a certain Firefly class transport ship crashing into the O.Z. Interested?


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